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Brockley Central is always open to suggestions for news, stories or improvements to the site, so please post your ideas here or email us.

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Brockley Central is a community news and discussion site, which attempts to cover every aspect of life in Brockley, London SE4. It was first published in February 2007 and has been growing ever since (read a  February 2013 Brockley Central case study here).

For the purposes of this site, "Brockley" includes the area as far north as St John's, as far east as Tyrwhitt Road, as far south as Brockley Rise and as far west as Telegraph Hill. And, as Brockley doesn't exist in a vacuum, we also address Lewisham and London issues that are directly relevant to this area.

The site is edited by Brockley Nick, Brockley Kate, Brockley Jon and Brockley Ben but it is heavily reliant on ideas, news and contributions from local people.

3280 comments:

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Mel said...

Lets start a Coop shop. Been looking through the recent blogs on the empty shops in the area and thought this could be an option. A coop would not be like the one up the road in Crofton Park! it would be a community run shop offering local produce, run by volunteers. Each day of the week would offer something different e.g. Fridays and Saturdays people who grow veg could come to sell it. Tuesdays cakes and breads etc.
Coops are a great idea for empty shops, of course you need an agreed rent free period, and the shop needs an electricity supply, but that’s about it.
There is ( think its still there) a coop running in kennigton where locals can go to buy veg, eggs and stuff, and it really brings people together. Trust me not just a crazy hippy idea. Maybe Hugh the lawyer could offer coop citizens legal advice on a Sunday evening!!!!

Hugh said...

How about a thread to nominate the nicest road in Brockley, with reasons? We need to keep Brockley Central slightly frothy and I think some neighbourly invidiousness would achieve that. All part of 'celebrating the neighbourhood', naturally.

Anonymous said...

Saint Asaph Road! 3 shops, a primary school and less than 2 mins to the station.

leenewham said...

Good idea mel, it has been brought up before. I didn't know about the Kennington cooperative. Where abouts in Kennington is it, I'd like to go to check it out.

paul said...

I suggest we discuss Crime in Brockley. What is happening out there on the streets?

Andy Pandy Pudding & Pie said...

I would like to suggest a topic about starting up a Cat-Walking Society on Hillyfields, and ensuring that DOGS ARE ON LEADS (like they are supposed to be!).

Hugh said...

Bike shop on the Endwell Road trading estate, where the railway station used to be. Has anyone used it? I do a lot of cycling and tend to get my machine serviced at Evans but would welcome a local alternative that costs less. I've held off from trying them so far as my bike is a nice one (a carbon-framed roadbike, for those who care about these things) and I don't want a cowboy tinkering with it.

Brockley Nick said...

Hugh, they're excellent - they maintain fleets for the police, etc and they seem to know what they're doing (although I've never asked them to do anything complicated). There's a brief article about them on this site.

Hugh said...

Nick, do they have a website? And what do you ride?

Pete said...

Alternatively you could take your bike to Whitcombes. Since they make bike frames and built bikes ridden in Le Tour it is safe to say that they would be able to fix your bike.

I ride this: http://tinyurl.com/39bdfe

but I also have a cyclocross bike.

Have you joined a club yet Hugh? If not I can recommend Dulwich Paragon...

Pete said...

I forgot to ask. What do you ride Hugh?

Headhunter said...

Have never used the Brockley bike people and tend to rely on my dad to sort my bike out. Glad to hear that there are some fellow cycle enthusiasts in Brockers though, beyond the usual Sunday riders who pootle out with a hefty mountain bike from Halfords when the sun pops out. Carbon fibre frame eh? Sounds gorgeous - I have a Ribble frame of Reynolds 653 tubing with Shimano 105 group and Mavic rims... Also have a Marin MTB. Wouldn't want to go for carbon fibre as I ride in and out of work and chain the bike in public and i guess it would get nicked in no time...

Hugh said...

Pete and Headhunter, I ride a Specialized Roubaix Comp, 2006 version. I souped it up, though: 53/39 chainwheels on the front, 11/21 DuraAce cassette on the back. I cycle to work and back on it (20 miles all in) every day.

I often cycle in Richmond Park and was considering joining London Dynamo as they ride there and have a nifty strip. Where do Paragon meet and how nifty are their colours?

Monkeyboy said...

God, boys and their toys! Just got a flatscreen TV and a yammaha surround sound system. Rented Saving Private Ryan just so I could watch the beach storming scene with the bass turned up.

I really ought to get a life.

Headhunter said...

Lovely bike - you must have somewhere safe to stash it when you get to your destination, mine just ends up chained up in all weathers. My route takes me 6 miles approx to Chancery Lane and then 6 back every day. I was looking for a club to join, wanted a club that goes out on rides at the weekend. Do Dynamo and or Paragon do these? Couldn't see any reference on their websites...

Hugh said...

Headhunter, I always keep mine indoors, either at work or at home.

London Dynamo do weekends rides in Surrey/Kent, I think. Their website should explain.

If you're in recruitment at Chancery Lane we may well have crossed paths, that is if you deal with lawyers!

Hugh said...

Monkeyboy, that bit about the bass made me laugh. Keep 'em coming.

Monkeyboy said...

I must say I prefer talking about dirty cafes, bikes and TVs rather than roundabouts in Lewisham.

Headhunter said...

I do work as a headhunter (hence the name - not very inventive but I couldn't think of anything else) but I headhunt the dreaded investment bankers. In fact judging by comments on this site I am exactly the sort of person not welcome in Brockers and probably by rights should be trying to buy a flat in Clapham or something. I hope no one holds this against me and that you'll all still speak to me. At least I am not married to a "yummy mummy", however I may buy olive ciabatta from the deli when it arrives... Anyway back to bikes, I had a quick butchers at the Dynamo website and couldn't see any reference to weekend rides... I'll have another look...

Headhunter said...

So come on - why Monkeyboy? Everyone else seems to have used real 1st names - Hugh, Nick Pete etc....

'Hugh' said...

'Seems' being the word.

Headhunter said...

Ooh how very cloak and dagger...

''Hugh'' said...

Were you really christened Headhunter?

Headhunter said...

No, Ed Hunter the headhunter. What I mean though is that at least Monkeyboy and I obviously are not using our real names (at least I assume Monkeyboy is not down in the phone book as Monkeyboy..), however it appears that you call yourself Hugh but in reality you have another name! Downright deceitful!

Kate said...

... this thread is a great illustration of why why we need a forum!

Brockley Nick said...

Yes...

Headhunter said...

Yes, sorry to have distracted from the main purpose....

Pete said...

Dulwich Paragon meet on Saturday mornings (9am) at Cafe St Germain on Crystal Palace Parade for a fairly leisurely ride into Kent. They also meeet on Sundays (same place about 9am) for a faster longer ride which doesn't always follow the same route and is usually about 80 miles and is quite fast.

There are also chaingangs on Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Thursdays for the ultra comitted.

See here for more details:

http://www.dulwichparagon.com/

Here is the kit:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/adrian_trenholm/622961711/

Headhunter said...

Paragons sounds like a good local club and good kit - image is everything. I was hoping to join fairly fast rides on the weekend. Sounds like the Saturday ride would be too slow but the Sunday ride very quick - any idea what sort of average speeds the Sunday riders do over 80 miles? I consider myself pretty fit but I wouldn't want to slow them down!

Hugh said...

The Sunday rides do sound good although I'd also like to know how fast they go.

That picture of the strip is from the Smithfield Nocturne, I believe. We went to watch and had a great time, despite the downpour. I'm definitely fitter than the podgy geezer in the photo.

Headhunter said...

Ooh controversial! "podgy geezer in the photo", that might be a friend of Pete's or even Pete himself! But I suppose I see what you mean. Would be good to know what speeds they do - wouldn't want to get 40 miles out and hit the wall

Hugh said...

On closer inspection he isn't that podgy and may even be very fit. His face shows effort, though, which is a sign of non-superman status.

Pete said...

It isn't me, and I'm not sure who it is.

I think the Sunday rides average about 18-20 mph. I haven't been on one for ages though. I know that the chaingangs are really fast (at least they are on Tuesday and Thursday) averaging 24mph the last time I went on one.

You should just go on the ride and see how you get on. Make sure you take plenty of food.

Headhunter said...

Oh that's alright then, if no one knows him, podgy is fine... 18-20mph sounds fine, although over 80 miles might get tough I suppose. I'll have to give either Sat or Sun a go sometime

Pete said...

Well Saturday is a good ride to go on initially as you get to meet everyone including some of the faster riders and there would be a reasonable chance that someone would be taking a longer ride out to Toys Hill or somewhere at a slightly faster pace.

Headhunter said...

Yes p'raps it'd be safer to go along on Sat to start with! BTW anyone out for the Brockley Blog drinks ce soir?

Pete said...

Whereabouts in Hilly Fields is the farmer's market? (It is tommorrow isn't it?)

Anonymous said...

hello all,

how about starting a brockley freecycle? I am trying to get my hands on a bookshelf and coffee table and would prefer to buy used (saving trees etc!), but always miss out on freecycle as there are sooooo many people on there......how about somethign more local? or a 6 motnhly yard sale?

Monkeyboy said...

Now this is a good idea. Lots of student types around here who wouldn't turn their nose up at a secondhand sofa. I've been trying to get rid of mine before my posh Habbitat number turns up. If anyone wants a blue two seat sofa, a bit faded but does the job, it's yours. You can even keep any change and biscuit crumbs you may find down the back

Brockley Nick said...

Re: freecycle - is it more complicated than just creating a specialist forum to post messages about what they have to give?

Anonymous said...

Nick, May I suggest a thread about the full details surrounding regeneration of the Brockley Cross area. Although this has had postings under various headings there seems so much confusion about what is actually happening and when.
On the ACQ archirtects website there is a very grand plan which includes sports centres and brand new streets, and looks potentially good but is this just a visualisation of what might be rather than a plan that will be carried out eventually? Who is leading this change - developers? the council? BXAG? All very confusing. It would be nice to know what Brockley Cross is going to look like, in, say 5 years in terms of big, landscape changing developments, which may change the entire feel of the area, and have a direct impact on our lives.
Simon J

Brockley Nick said...

Seb
I will try to do something along these lines. However, it's pretty hard to get definitive answers sometimes.
Here, in brief, is my best understanding of the situation at present.
1. Tea Factory due to open soon, with gallery.
2. Several apartment / retail developments on the west side border with the station.
3. Brockley Common development and some other improvements planned for the station itself
4. Coulgate Street - two new shops due to open shortly
5. North side of Endwell Road. The masterplan you refer to is NOT happening - those designs on the ACQ website were only ever concept stuff. However, developers are, apparently, interested in that site and I think it's likely that a large chunk of that site will get bulldozed and redeveloped (I've written a couple of articles about those designs elsewhere on the site)
6. The road layout at Brockley Cross MAY be redeveloped at some point, but I am not holding my breath.

Brockley Nick said...

That should have been to Simon, not seb

Anonymous said...

Thanks,
SJ

Bea said...

Peter - the Farmers' Market on Hilly Fields is every 2nd Saturday of the month, 10am-3pm. It is on the footpath near the bowling green going up the hill towards the stone circle.

andy pandy pudding & pie said...

I've been reliably informed that the new street on the west side of the station is still on the cards. It means they will likely destroy the end victorian terrace (presently a chinese takeaway).

There is also plans to open a cafe on the west side but this is early stages. Somewhere in lewisham's district they also tend to place a young offenders institute although apparently this is still being discussed as to where to put it.

There is temporary planning consent (2 yrs) on the southern block west of the footbridge for what is now some sort of housing association office.

I think John stainer school are trying to sell off it's remaining bit of land west of the main school building to developers.

Anonymous said...

Andy, I'm a bit panicked by your post - please tell there are NO plans to put a young offenders institute by the station on the west side , or in the he middle of a residential area.

Anonymous said...

I would welcome a cafe on the west side. There seem to be empty units at the end of Saint Asaph Road on the corner which could have outside table space. Is that where you think it may open?
Kimbo

andy pandy pudding & pie said...

I have no idea what the plans are as i have nothing to do with the council. All i got to hear is that there is a need to increase the capacity for young offenders in lewisham council area, and that most people of importance agree that its a needy thing rather than a nice to have.

I personally dont think they would put it next to the station, that would seem abit odd. Normally, i would expect - however - for it to be placed within a residential area as the purpose is to 'rehabilitate' rather than "getto-ise" (sorry for bad spelling).

Anonymous said...

Excellent,
Brockley will really be on the map if that was to happen. We've got the posh cafes, a deli, the new apartments, a french food and wine shop, and a Borstal!

I must have missed that one on the 5 easy steps of regeneration. At least the new Brockley Common will give them somewhere to hang around on their day out and focus their frustrations on the local populace.

Perhaps Nick could find out more about the proposed sites because this one could run and run.

andy pandy pudding & pie said...

Kimbo, i totally agree.

That unit (and the flats above) used to be a half-way house but now that has moved.

I think the cafe (believe it or not) is supposed to be next to the new grey apartment block (the dodgy looking one). I think it refers to the old looking one which is apparently going to be transformed!

I do agree that the corner unit next to the shop would be ideal, as there certainly is some space there for tables etc...

Anonymous said...

Andy,

Interesting. About 2 weeks ago I saw some poor man painting that shack next to the railway line on Mantle road in a very half hearted way. He wrote the words "Eternal Jerk", I assumed he wasn't referring to himself but the name of his new eatery. It would have rated minus 10 stars because it is basically a shed. He seems to have painted over it again now.

Do you know if this cafe is going to be a greasy spoon or broca type affair?
Kimbo

Anonymous said...

I think anything like that happening on the west side of the station, cafe's or otherwise are very welcome. If only the entrance could be opened up to make it more welcoming. What about building a nicer, wider bridge across linking the two sides.

mattie said...

I live on the east side of the tracks, but was thinking about those bridges over lines just this morning (as I waited for my yet-again delayed train). What we need is another wad of cash to make the west side of the station (platform 1) wheelchair-accessible, and in the process, take down both bridges, replace with something better + a ramp, and redesign the access to the station from the west side. Now, who wants to take all that on...?

Anonymous said...

I couldn't agree more Mattie.

andy pandy pudding & pie said...

I couldn't agree more, the west side is abit of a dump. But given that the east side IS getting a ramp to the bridge, i guess the west side wont. However, given that direct access to the platform is still an issue, maybe we'll get a lift!!!

I don't know anything specific about the west side cafe although by the looks of things i think its another place where I 'might' get food poisioning!

What we need is to do something with those triangluar grass areas to the west of the station. Something decent perhaps - BCAG has a grant for £1k to help plant some things...

Anonymous said...

Hmm. I feel there is a little east side bias with the BXAG. I doubt they'd do it. I don't see the point of putting a wheel chair ramp on one side of the bridge. What's that all about? teasing wheel chair users into thinking they can get a train? They should be addressing that issue before any tarting up of the common.

andy pandy pudding & pie said...

Yeah, you have a point. Although most of the money comes from a railways related body and is attached to spending on improving access.

I also think the BCAG has a east side bias.... i would imagine that is where most of the members are living!!!

Brockley Nick said...

I don't think it's fair to say they have a bias - their primary interest is in reviving the common, which happens to be on the east side. The wheelchair ramp is a bit of forward planning, I would imagine - eventually, the station will get an overhaul and that would probably include wheelchair access to the west side, it would be silly if they had to dig up the common again to build a ramp on the east side, because they didn't think ahead.

andy pandy pudding & pie said...

I think everyone/organisation must have bias as its part of what defines an action to improve things.

For instance, why a common? what benefit does that bring to people? Has the society really gone through an extensive exercise to determine what activities determine the long term regeneration benefits around the station? Or are they voting with their feet? I think its very natural for people to act on what they see around them, so if the majority of the membership live on the east side then they are going to see things differently to those on the west. (for e.g. a daily walk to brockley station will take them past a couple of nice cafes rather than a derelict dis-used pub).

I just received a newsletter from the BCAG asking for volunteers to plant flowerbeds on wickham rd, is wickham rd now part of brockley cross? Its funny they want volunteers for this when they have been sitting on cash to plant flowerbeds on the west side immediately outside the station....

I think I have a point here Nick :o)

Anonymous said...

I think you have a point there Andy. From what it says on the bins, The west Side of the station is also Brockley Cross.
I think the common project is on the whole a good idea.*It will focus attention to what is becoming the new central area of brockley, but shouldn't the action group be tackling the worst hit areas first. The exit on the east side looks pretty nice as it is. It could do with improving but not nearly as much as the other side. Of course if you live on the east side you don't need to worry about that.

*my one concern with the common project is that the plans look a little sterile, in practice they may not be, but it's very architectural and sculptured. Lets hope it's a good as everybody wishes.
Kimbo

Bea said...

The Brockley Cross Action Group is meeting on Thursday 15th November at 8.00 pm at Toads Mouth Too. You could raise the issue of a stronger emphasis on the west side of the station at this meeting.

Anonymous said...

I'll bring my bulldozer.

Anonymous said...

to back track a bit, I think freecylce should be able to work with a forum style where people posted what they have to give away and those who want it can email them ?

Anonymous said...

Nick, great site, thanks!

Do you think a link/thread re recommended tradesman in the area maybe beneficial to both local tradesman and Brockley customers?

mg said...

I'd love to see an area on the site for upcoming events - I know you have the diary at the bottom, but things like classes, what's on, jumble sales etc that people can add to.

Brockley Jon said...

Nick, we definitely need a feature on Andy Pandy's Bengal Kittens!!!

Monkeyboy said...

Looks like the Viagra sales men think there is untapped demand in Brockley....Hugh, wanna go halves on a dozen?

Hugh said...

Get by on the old Bengal Totem Powder here - the lady friend swears by it.

Nick, this spamming looks pretty targetted. I trust John and the team are on to it.

Anonymous said...

How about conducting a poll (just for fun) to see what kind of business people would like see the last remaining shop on the coulgate street parade become. That street will soon look like the closest thing Brockley is ever going to get towards bijous or quaint and a few months ago I'm guessing that a deli would have been number one on the list but now we're going to have two, what next??? A clothes boutique? another betting shop? If you build it they will come.....

Bea said...

I'd love a book shop - an unrealistic proposal I know – but a girl can dream!

Or more practically – maybe a green grocer or butcher.

Headhunter said...

Cafe Foxtons?

Monkeyboy said...

Fish monger.

Bea, did you know there's a good little butchers on the Deptford/brockly border? Ive mentioned it before...

http://www.urbanpath.com/london/butchers/wellbeloved.htm

The man knows his beef!

Anonymous said...

Fantastic Fishmongers in nunhead too, but one a little closer wouldn't a miss.

Bea said...

Monkeyboy – thanks for the link. It looks like a great place. Unfortunately, it’s a 20 minute walk for me so unlikely to become a regular place to shop. However, the next time I go to Wavelengths I’ll check it out.

Headhunter said...

I saw that the Amersham Arms was sourcing its meat from Wellbeloved when I was there a week or so ago. Nice to know they're supporting local biz

Rich said...

Does anyone know who owns those light blue garages on Foxberry Road. They look an absolute state and with all the fly tipping in front of then!

andy pandy pudding & pie said...

Nick, I've just heard that there is a post office - Brockley Rd that is due to close (there is a petition in the window - so this should be fairly self evidenced). Does anyone know where this post office is? I didn't even know there was one in Brockley!

Apparently the owners of the premises want to sell up!

Brockley Nick said...

There is a small sub post office at the back of a newsagent on Brockley Road, near the station.

Where is the notice you refer to please? Unless you have spoken to them and they confirmed they are planning on selling up, please just email me and ask me to investigate, as this is precisely the sort of rumour that can irritate people with businesses to run.

andy pandy pudding & pie said...

My partner has spoken to the people who run the office, there is a petition in the window of the post office as they are trying to stop it from closing.

If you have time Nick, could you investigate this? If nothing else, maybe just to confirm that the petition still exists.

leenewham said...

The Chinese supermarket next to Tesco is splitting in half and one part will be a Chinese restaurant, what else would we like to see in the area?

Anonymous said...

Question for Nick re the poll. Which box will those people living on Malpas, Shardeloes, Vesta, Vulcan etc tick? I think you need to include this area - how about calling it Brockley Cross? Novel I know, but it may catch on.

Brockley Nick said...

A good point, but unfortunately the all powerful google won't let me change a poll once people have started voting.

Vesta is Telegraph Hill, Malpas is practically conservation area.

Go with what your heart tells you and pick an existing option.

Monkeyboy said...

Malpas Road, practically the conservation area! My life is complete - thanks Nick.

By the way the flooring company at the end of Malpas Road has a planning application to turn that site into to flats. It's actually a large area that extends to round the back of the houses. I did note down the planning number - well worth a look but it got binned because of the numerous objections.

Think they may be trying again though....anyone know anything?

Monkeyboy said...

Its planning number DC/07/65674/X for 230-232 Malpas road. Worth a look, apparently it was withdrawn. Don'yt know if they intend to re-appply.

Time for our sleuth Nick to do some digging.....

Moira said...

A resident from Malpas Rd contacted the BCAG when the planning application was put in. They may know something about it.

Anonymous said...

A resident from Malpas Rd contacted the BCAG when the planning application was put in. They may know something about it.
Moira

andy pandy pudding & pie said...

Nick - your poll doesn't make sense!!! What you call 'West Brockley' is actually technically classified as Telegraph Hill!

I've had this out with my mates before - everyone, even searching lewisham planning site, refer to this area as Brockley but the postal and councillor district is Telegraph Hill!

Crazy world we live in....

James said...

Hi nick and jon,
I was just wondering if you could extend the "Recent Comments" section a bit. I know it's boring but the section is really useful for people browsing for recent posts. Maybe 10 posts rather than 5 or maybe a seperate page.

Many thanks for the great website.
Keep up the good work.

Anonymous said...

My idea would be to have a history section - it's a fascinating area with many famous ex residents. eg I heard lillie langtry used to live on Wickham Road.

samara.zittin said...

My suggestion: Could there be an area of the blog whereby good local tradesmen are recommended?

Headhunter said...

Yeah I would love both of those - somewhere to recommend local tradesmen and a page for local history. I had heard about Lily Langtry as well as Kate Bush (Wickham Rd), Edgar Wallace (screenwriter for King Kong, Tressilian Crescent), Marie Lloyd (music hall artiste, Wickham Terrace) and Henry Williamson (author of Tarka the Otter, born on Braxfield Rd).

Headhunter said...

BTW Hugh, Pete. I went out with the Dulwich Paragon club last Sat. Was a good ride. The leaders go pretty quickly but there are frequent stops to wait for everyone else to catch up. I'll definitely give it another go, but have a broken spoke in the rear wheel so the road bike is out of action

Pete said...

Glad you enjoyed it. I'm lazy so haven't been out for months. Its the club 10 mile TT tommorrow. If anyone is interested/insane.

Anonymous said...

The Brockley Town Talk site has a list of famous Brockley people. (see recent comments)
Moira

Anonymous said...

Wow. I came across this site via a link on Facebook. I had no idea that all this stuff is going on out there. I've been living in Brockley for over 3 years now and am feeling very much at home here- especially as it's only a short cycle to work.
I agree with everyone that the station could be improved to make it wheelchair accessible and also more 'girly' friendly when waiting at night for a train. Also, the streetlights on my road are only working intermittendly. Does anyone have an idea how to contact about this?

andy pandy pudding & pie said...

Lewisham online, theres a form to fill out. I had to do it re. the light on the stations footbridge, they came out within 2 days.

Jess said...

First of all a big thank you to Nick and Jon for all your work on this site, it's really excellent. I wondered if the subject of plastic bags could be discussed. Having read of communities who've managed to ban their use, would Brockley be a good place to start a similar scheme? Could we capitalise on Brockley's relative lack of big high street chains and its abundance of smaller retailers who'd be able to take a decision on the matter themselves? But only with sufficient community support, of course...

Brockley Nick said...

Hi Jess

Thanks for your comments. I think your idea is a good one and I have been meaning to write up an article on a related theme for a while, which I will aim to do shortly.

Jess said...

Thanks very much Nick, I look forward to reading it!

Nose E Parker said...

Has the following been mentioned before? But how about a google map attached to this blog? It's free, easy to add AND you can add pics to it. We can upload pics of local shops to it.

Brockley Jon said...

Nose E, that's something I've been looking into, and even started work on - watch this space :)

Monkeyboy said...

Anyone know what's been happening in Malpas Road? lots of blue Police tape and assorted rozzers wondering arouind.

Could it be the arrest of this lot?? Can't accuse our local crims of lacking ambition.

http://www.newindpress.com/NewsItems.asp?ID=IEK20071225222856&Page=K&Headline=Net+users%2C+beware+of+online+lotteries&Title=Southern+News+-+Karnataka&Topic=0

Hugh said...

Rumour has it the Council mistakenly sent that £10,000 to a residential address in the area then offered a reward for information relating to its whereabouts.

Anonymous said...

I thought Brockley station was supposed to be closing this christmas for the east london line extension. What's happened, it's still open???

Monkeyboy said...

Only the existing ELL is closing for the duration. I think National Rail services are still OK from Brockley and New Cross Gate.

Anonymous said...

Could have sworn i saw signs saying Brockley was going to be closed. That's great if it's not.

spincat said...

Does anyone know if there are good bed and Breakfast / Guesthouse accommodation in the SE4 area?

I can see a couple of places listed on various B&B website listings (one in Breakspears Rd, one in Geoffry Rd) but wondered if anyone has had direct experience of any?

Headhunter said...

What's the latest with this "Shop on the Hill" place that was mentioned in an article a while back... Has it opened yet?

Monkeyboy said...

Blimey Headhunter. You're as bored as me, no one recruiting at this time of year?

Headhunter said...

Nah it's quite busy, but I'm just back in the office today so sat in front of a computer for god knows how many hours of the day. When they let me out I tend to try to stay away from computers!

Kate said...

Yes, it has opened, looked v nice when I walked past yesterday but haven't been in yet.

Tom said...

Only just came across this thread - I go out with the Dulwich Paragon bike club a fair amount. They're a nice bunch, a mix of riders that vary from leisure/sportive types through to some full-out racers.

My poison is track racing at the amazing Herne Hill velodrome. Details: http://www.vcl.org.uk/hernehill/

Keeping it local ... alternative local sports-type activities include British Military Fitness circuit training on Blackheath: http://www.britmilfit.com/

Headhunter said...

I haven't been out with the Paragons since my initial Sat morning ride a month or so ago as my bike frame broke! Bought myself a new bike for Christmas so I'll be out on a ride soon - perhaps this weekend, however I'm a bit reluctant if the roads wet, don't want all that salt damaging the new bike components!

Tom said...

After reading through lots of really positive stuff about Brockly, and its newly opening places, it would be great to read more on where to get/secure local products and services - not just restaurants and bars (though this is welcome too!).

It would be great to have more info on where to get affordable food in the area.

Not all of us want to always go out all the time, or spend mega-bucks at the exclusive delis!

Is it really a choice between Costcutters and Tesco? Do any of the other shops along Lewisham Way offer good value and quality?

Tom said...

And Headhunter, don't worry about the salt - just give the bike a quick wash afterwards. There's nothing worse than an unridden new bike!

I can usually be seen riding around on a grey and white road bike labelled Albertini. Hope to see you on one of the Dulwich rides soon!

bobblekin said...

Tom, the 2 asian foodstores along Loampit Hill (the section of Lewisham Way between the Talbot and the Lewisham roundabout) stock excellent spices and vegetables that are cheaper than supermarkets (if they stock them at all).

There is also a takeout store called Everest Curry King. This is a sri lankan store and they keep dozens of curries, dhals, rices spiced fish and pastries in a counter display. They re-heat (which has put some of my friends off in the past).

The food extremely tasty and very very good value.

Headhunter said...

Tom, I've got one of those Focus carbon framed bikes now, they're only available through Wiggle, but had it for 2 weeks and not really been out on it yet... Will have to go out on Sat with the DPs

Hugh said...

Headhunter/Tom, let me know if you're up for weekend rides. I ride a Specialized Roubaix Comp and would be glad of the company of fellow bike nerds locally.

Monkeyboy said...

Hmmm... I'm suffering bike envy.

Brockley Jon said...

Chaps, I've got a 12 year-old Gary Fisher so I'm sure I'd get the poor man's steed booby prize. I have pimped it considerably though, which as we know is half the fun of it.

Count me in for a bike ride, although nothing too whippet-like. I know Brockley Nick is a cyclist so he'll be up for it too.

Anonymous said...

Anyone fancy a go on my Grifter. It's got a spongy seat and everything. Watch your knackers in second/yellow gear though.

Headhunter said...

Count me in for a ride sometime however don't rely on me for a route, the Paragons head out into Kent but I don't know the country lanes very well! This Sat looks like a nice day. Anyone?

Thanks for the offer on the Grifter but I may want kids sometime...

Hugh said...

I'm off on hols this weekend till next but will post again about a weekend ride Saturday or Sunday week.

Routes into Kent won't be hard to find. Alternatively, and assuming we're starting reasonably early to avoid traffic (say 7.30-9am), we could go to Richmond Park for a few laps then back. Brockely to Richmond is about 7 miles and the internal road at the park is about 7 miles per lap. There's a nice tea hut there for after-ride drinks and snacks.

Tom said...

Lots of Brockley bikes! Cool.

An easy plan would be to meet up and go out with the Dulwich Paragon on Saturday, we could meet in Brockers and meet up with them in Crystal Palace or Elmers End.

And Saturday's the social ride for the Paragon - ie done at an easy cruise (around 15mph) with lots of stops.

The nasty bit: it'd mean meeting at around 8.30-8.45 ...

Headhunter said...

OK. Might actually risk the new bike out on the open road this Sat with the DPs. May see you there Tom?

Following weekend Sun 20th may be easier, but Sat may be OK too if we're out early-ish. Not so sure about 7.30am start though - it's still kinda dark then!

Tom said...

Maybe next weekend (19th/20th) then?

And Kent is much easier than Richmond to get to - though I do both.

Once you get to West Wickham the North Downs opens up - around Downe, Cudham and Biggin Hill are some great (and usually quiet) lanes.

Here's a long route for anyone keen (the Saturday Dulwich ride is substantially shorter):

http://www.bikely.com/maps/bike-path/Falling-Leaves-2007

BTW I think this conversation highlights the need for a forum!

Tom said...

Bad link above - use this instead!

Pete said...

I'm a member of Dulwich Paragon too so would like to come on this ride with you. We could set off on Dulwich's Saturday ride and then go and do Toys Hill.

Brockley Nick said...

@Tom, yes a forum is the goal.

Headhunter said...

Tom, that looks like a good ride with Toys Hill slap in the middle. I've heard it's quite a hill but don't think I have ever ridden it, unless it's part of the Sat morning DP ride (that's the only 1 I've done so far). Well if either or both of you is our with DP this Sat, I don't mind extending the ride

Headhunter said...

Didn't really know where to add this comment, but has anyone else noticed that Lewisham council does not seem to be replacing trees that it has chopped down along streets in Brockley and elsewhere?

I noticed that at the junction of Jerningham Rd and Arbuthnot Rd there was a large Plane tree which was removed and since then the council has tarmacked over the spot rather than planting another tree.

Also along Manor Ave they removed a small Cherry tree (I think) in about Sept 06, leaving the stump for about a year, which has now been removed and again, the spot has been tarmacked with no attempt at replacing the tree.

Is this a new policy from Lewisham - to not replace trees along otherwise tree-lined streets? Seems a shame to lose the leafy spaciousness in SE London/Brockley.

Amanda Wickham said...

One thing about living in Brockley, is the variety of birds you get to see, considering it's an urban area.

Recently I've become a defacto twitcher, every time a new type of bird appears, I'm there with my British bird wallchart, free from the newspaper, trying to match up bird and pictures.

This morning I saw a pair of lovely birds, black and white, with a touch of blue, which I believe to be magpies. We have a robin, which appears regularly at the front. In addition to there are wood pigeons, but my greatest 'spotting', was happening upon, a loud squawking bird, that had a gorgeous green plummage, with a red crown, it looked like a parrot in drag. Sadly this bird is not on my wallchart. Has anyone else seen it. If so, do you know what it might be? Also it had an especially long pointed beak.

Bea said...

Sounds like a "European Green Woodpecker"?

Anonymous said...

Amanada/Bea, not sure whether to take your posts seriously (surely everyone can identify a magpie!).

Anyway - the bird that you have seen is in fact a real parakeet. Many districts of South London have families of parakeets. Brockley included. I have a lot over my place on Tressillian. They are ring necked indian parakeets.

Monkeyboy said...

Indian parakeets, coming over here in their weird plumage, eating our worms. Apparently our good honest hardworking ENGLISH sparrows don't get a look in. Why don't they piss off home!

Look I'm joking OK? Jesus....

Headhunter said...

I've stuck birdfeeders in my garden and the birds barely seem interested. Last time I try to help them out through the tough winter months....

Headhunter said...

I've stuck birdfeeders in my garden and the birds barely seem interested. Last time I try to help them out through the tough winter months....

bobblekin said...

monkeyboy, you might be joking but teh birds round mine aren't. they are some pretty big battles between the parakeets and teh "native" crows and magpies. the parakeets seem pretty well adapted to teh uk and go round in quite aggressive gangs! i've even seen them have a pop at squirrels..

Bea said...

Nope not joking! A Parakeet neither has a long pointed beak nor a red crown - the woodpecker does.

"The Green Woodpecker is our largest native woodpecker (bigger than a Blackbird) and has green mantle and wings, yellowish rump and whitish underparts. The crown and nape are red. There is black marking around the white eye. The tail is blackish with green barring. The bill is grey-black and legs olive-grey."

Some good photos here:

http://woodpeckersofeurope.info/?q=green_woodpecker

Is this what you saw?


P.S. No I'm not a twitcher - just googled the info

Pete said...

Toys Hill can be used as an extension of the DP Saturday ride, it adds an extra 10 miles onto the route with three big climbs. The worst of which in my opinion is Sundridge(sp?) as it is very very steep.

Unless the weather is better I won't make it out tomorrow. Especially as I am going drinking tonight.

Headhunter said...

Well there's supposed to be glorious sunshine tomorrow, if it's not raining I'll be there I think... Perhaps see you there, I'll be the tall 1 with the shiny Focus bike going on its inaugural ride...

Pete said...

Well if I'm there I will be on my filthy black Monoc road bike which hasn't been cleaned since summer. My girlfriend will be there too possibly on her small blue cannondale road bike. If not just ask if anyone else is going to do Toys Hill because there are a few guys who like to do it.

Pete said...

Does anyone know a good person for fixing guttering?

Amanda said...

Yay that's the one, (thank you Bea) it is a green woodpecker, I doubled checked via google images and it took me to a taxidermy site :(

Re: anon: The parakeet mentioned has similiar colouring to my bird, but crucially it has a parrot style hooked beak, not a long one. I hope I do get to see a parakeet sometime as they are so pretty.

Just to be clear, I did correctly identify the magpies, thank you very much :D . My process of deduction was as follows, football team Newcastle FC have a black n white strip, and are nicknamed magpies, a black and white bird appears in the garden, it's probably a magpie, e voila...more satisfying than solving a sudoku
Have a good weekend everyone.

Headhunter said...

Went out on Sat with the Dulwich Paragons. Lovely sunny morning, although the roads were a tad wet. Didn't get the opportunity to stand up and shout "anyone here write on the Brockley Central website?" at any point, so not sure if Pete, Tom or anyone else was there.

I notice they have changed their description of the Sun ride from a 70-80 miler at average speed of 25mph, which quite frankly scared me, to the same distance at average speed of 20mph with the group separating into slower and faster groups at times... This sounds far more likely so I may try the Sun ride sometime. With the previous description I had visions of being left way behind somewhere in the depths of Kent.

Anyway, if anyone's still interested in heading out somewhere for inaugural "Brockley Central Bike Ride" this weekend (as long as the weather's not crappy), I'll be there...

Richard said...

It has been asked somewhere what's happening with the Brockley Max this year.

Could we have a topic with any news on the festival? At Jam Circus we weren't involved last year as we were a relatively new management and didn't have time to arrange anything.

This year, though, we would love to do something and I personally would like to get down to the festival itself. Despite living in Brockley (technically my house is in SE23) I had never heard mention of BMax until last summer.

If anybody has any suggestions as to what we could do at Jam Circus, please get in touch. At the moment I can imagine we'll round up some of the musicians that perform here and have a live music event. Perhaps a jam night, as we are going to give that a try in a couple of weeks!

Anonymous said...

Hi Richard,
Re Brockley Max,
Although I'm not running the festival this year, I can say that there is a possibility that it will run, although nothing has been confirmed yet. The Jam Circus held several events 2 years ago and the place was packed. I approached the manager last year, but he was not interested so its good to hear about your keenness to be involved.If you are not on the B Max mailing list, please send me your email address to moira@brockleymax.co.uk and I'll make sure you'll hear about any news. BTW I regularly send out emails on events happening in Brockley, so if you have any events please do send them to me.(I have over 450 contacts on the BMax mailing list). If anyone would like to receive these emails & updates on the festival please let me know.
(They'll be from another email address as I don't want to publish here!)
Moira

newbie said...

Can anyone suggest a good GP in SE4- vicinity of cons area? Time has finally come to register, and although the closest to me is St Johns Medical Centre, several people have told me their of negative experiences there. (This was before their move to new premises, which may have included expansion / new staff? maybe my hearsay is outdated?)

Without getting any further into slanderous terrain, can anyone offer a recommendation?

Monkeyboy said...

I'm with St Johns and always found it OK. They've also got a new young cute woman doctor, totally irelevent but if you have to be poked around then ask for her.

Tom said...

Yeah, St Johns medical centre is the place I go.

Re bike rides ... am afraid I wasn't out on Saturday and I won't be around this weekend - is a good idea though ...

Headhunter said...

I go to Hilly Fields Medical Ctre. Went there with a pain in my leg a few months ago - GP told me complete rubbish and gave me painkillers... I knew needed more than that and got refered to a specialist who has diagnosed a stage 1 stress fracture from too much running! The GP told me that it categorically wasn't due to running and when I asked about getting gait analysis to find out if I had a bad running style he said no need as my running style was perfect (the man had never seen me run in his life and if he had would he have had a clue?!)

My other half went to St Johns Medical Ctre and found the GP there to be pretty unhelpful also so no idea where to recommend!

Re bikes, happy to meet up some other weekend....

Anonymous said...

I've been going to Dr Parker there for 20 years. She brilliant, mainly because she knows that if I turn up, there must be something wrong as I go so rarely; and treats me like an intelligent adult rather than a ignorant timewaster.
After suffering from back problems since the age of 13, she has been the only doctor to recommend a complete set of x rays, a scan, a specialist, and a visit to the pain clinic, thereby uncovering alot more than the arthritis I was diagnosed with in my late 20's.

Anonymous said...

Should have clarified, Dr Parker at St Johns Medical Centre.

Bea said...

I'm with Hilly Fields Medical Centre and I have to say to date I've not been impressed by anyone apart from one nurse who was very friendly.

The atmosphere in there and the receptionists remind me of Eastern Europe c. 1990 - grim - and not a smile in sight!

My biggest bug bear is that they only do “on the day appointments” twice daily i.e. for a.m. & p.m. which means hanging on the phone dot on 09:00 or 13:00 when the lines & clinic opens and if you're lucky you get a 10:30 am appointment or going in person and standing in a long queue outside from approx. 08:30 am onwards! This makes taking time off work a nightmare!

Anonymous said...

I'm with St Johns medical centre - friendly staff and easy to book an appointment.

Anonymous said...

And you can book appointments online at St Johns.

graeme said...

Howdy everyone! I'm a long-time resident of Adelaide Ave but have only just discovered Brockley Central. Hooray! Another forum to waste time on!

Hugh - one of the guys in the Endwell Road bike centre is an ex Aussie National road-racer who's meticulous about bike-prepping. I'd trust him more than some underpaid, and likely ham-fisted spanner-monkey at Evan's.

I've been riding with Dulwich Paragon for almost three years now, and if you need any info, or fancy a training type ride into Kent in the near future, then let me know. Always good to meet other cyclists. Especially when they're local.

(btw, the podgy guy in the Smithfield Nocturne photo is a mate - and he's faster than you!!)

Tom said...

Hey Graeme, Tom here! Ha, it's becoming something of Paragon forum x2!

See above for sketchy Brockley bike plans ...

spincat said...

Is it possible to start a separate selfcontained thread for people who want to discuss cycling? So that queries and suggestions about other things don't get lost (speaking as one who got cycled over on here - I know it wasn't intentional - a few weeks ago).

Headhunter said...

Doh! I knew those podgy comments last year would come back and bite us on the ass....

I'll be out with the DPs tomorrow morning, unless it's hammering down. Had a good ride last Sat. Would also be happy to set up a "Brockley Central" ride. Anyone got a date in mind?

Sorry 'bout the cycling chat, Spincat...

Monkeyboy said...

What's happened to the Tea Factory? Are the builders working inside 'cos there's no one doing anything on the outside??

Just wondered.....

Anonymous said...

They're having a tea break.

Anonymous said...

I've been wondering the same thing Monkey. Maybe they've lost a supplier or they're concentrating on another job. Don't reckon it will be finished by April, anyway.

Andy Pandy Pudding & Pie said...

My guess is that they are awaiting for some sort of council sign off. AS this needs to done at very stages of a build.

Luke said...

Coppers on Platform 1 this morning...

Anyone any idea what that was all about?

They were all sporting the rather smart I *heart* Brockley badges and furiously scribbling into their notepads.

Headcount for overcrowded trains?
Hungry police journos after a scoop?
Real-life game of Guess Who?

ElijahBailey said...

Were they BTP, plastics or standard?

Brockley Nick said...

They were proper, Hot Fuzz.

Bea said...

Well after the fiasco with the trains yesterday morning (it took me 2.5 hours to get into work - all trains cancelled due to fog and a broken down train at Norwood Junction) they were probably making sure there wasn't going to be a riot!

JPM said...

We recently had a rather interesting discussion on mental health and bail hostels in Brockley - and the planning applications at 1-3 Ashby Road -but it all seems to have disappeared from the site.

Any clues...?

Tom said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Tom said...

here's a clue!

Hugh said...

Bike heads, I'll read this thread properly later and come back to you properly on proposed rides. Let's get this arranged.

Am off to Richmond Park early on Sat or Sun if anyone fancies it.

JPM said...

Thanks Tom

I followed it, but I can't work out if you mean it's been 'moved' or 'removed'. If it's the latter, why?

Tom said...

JPM - as far as I can remember it was always on that thread.

Hugh - reckon your posting might be better off in the cycle lane!

JPM said...

Ok Tom

But when I try to find it nder 'search' it doesn't come up.

Anonymous said...

Can we have something on lewisham regeneration? Since I moved to sandrock road (next one down from tyhrwitt road) last feb everyone has been saving the area is on the up! I am yet to see evidence of this in my area - why is the talbot pub taking so long to be done up? why is that lovely greengrocers on thyrwitt road boarded up and forgotten? why are the parade of shops on loampit vale so ugly, useless and uninspiring (no-one ever goes in them)? why do we need so many fried chicken shops? why aren't lewisham council pulling their finger out? Can't they do something about the empty greengrocers? I think it's such a beautiful area around here - and its packed full of young professionals - but there is nothing here for us. Please help and suggest a topic to get people talking about what can and should happen!

Brockley Nick said...

Anon, you make some very important points and regeneration is absolutely central to what this blog covers. There are quite a few articles on the subject if you look around. In terms of the pace of regeneration, it is slow but if you look back at the very early articles, you can already see what has changed in a year. Coulgate Street is the most obvious example and there is a lot of work happening now on the west side. Lewisham Way is likely to see less change, in my opinion, but the arrival of the Tesco and the (hoped for) change to The Talbot are signs that things are happening. I think the pace of change is likely to accelerate as we get closer to 2010 and the arrival of the ELL.

andy pandy pudding & pie said...

Ok.... heres another nasty comment from andy pandy - SPEEDYCARS are really quite BAD! (shock horror, another 230 posts please)

More on this when i FINALLY get to work this morning.

JP said...

Nick

I'm pretty certain that the ELR ("East London Rail" as it will be named and not "ELL")has been brought forward, and will complete in October 2009. I'll check their site again and get back to you.

Brockley Nick said...

@JP - East London Rail won't be the name of the line. ELR is the company responsible for delivering the completed railway line to TfL. I don't think it will be open a year early (pretty sure we would have heard about that), I think the line will be delivered to TfL in 2009, but the line won't be operational until 2010. If you can show me otherwise though, I'd be delighted.

JP said...

Nick

You're right... the New Cross section will be complete at September 2009.

On another note, and a suggested topic, YELLOW POLICE BOARDS.

There are about two/three of these boards around Brockley to my knowledge, each advertising the fact that a crime has taken place.

There is one at Wickham Road where is meets Breakspears Road. [Apaprently the police want to knwo if Joe Brockers saw several masked man in the commission of a crime. Surely, months later, it must be apparent that no member of the public is coming forward to report a sighting of such neer do wells.

What do other 'Brocklers' think of these boards? Do they really serve to assist the police further? Or do they, as I believe, stigamtise an area?

I think these crime hoardings should not be used, as the negative publicity itself can do as much damage as the crime.

What do you think, Brocklers?

Brockley Nick said...

@JP - I've been thinking about posting something about this too. They are obviously a useful police tool and every area gets them unfortunately, so I don't think it's a question of stigma. However, some of them do seem to be left up for a very long time, almost as if they're forgotten. And yes, they do make a lot of people feel unsettled. So at some point there has to be a trade-off between leaving it up, just in case it prompts a call and taking it down, to stop people feeling anxious every time they walk past. If anyone sees any really old ones in the area, please email me the details.

Anonymous said...

I remember a time when these yellow boards were much more common, especially during the autumn student mugging season. Brockley has its fair share of crime and the police need clues. Pity there is not a website where we can see the crimes that are prevalent in the area and report incidents. Sad thing is, if you try to report a crime to the Lewisham police desk, they seem very reluctant to categorise an incident as a crime.

Headhunter said...

The strange thing re the yellow boards is that they often only seem to appear weeks or a month after the event. Do they really attract a response that long afterwars? Surely if some witnessed a crime they would either report it or for whatever reason, not report it, there and then! A month afterwards, surely memories might have faded

ElijahBailey said...

If yellow boards might help the fuzz solve a crime then that is all the argument I need to agree that they should be put up.

I mean let's face it they need all the help they can get.

JPM said...

Exactly right. I can just about remember what I did yesterday. It's almost as if they have become crim calling cards. 'Hey, dood, I woz here last night, right'
Certainly remember a time when the Met got by without them.
Who is paid to put them there? I bet it's not the Met. Do they get a daily appearance fee?

Anonymous said...

It may help the police with their inquiries, but it also scares life out of some more sensitive souls. Fear of crime can turn people into prisoners in their own homes.

JPM said...

I've now managed to speak with the Metropolitan Police about the yellow boards. I was fortunate to get an interview with the CommisSioner, himself Sir Ian Blair. I used the alias "Joe Brockers" just in case they ran a search in my real name. (I'll go into that later.)

This was the response:

POLICE VOICE: 'Hello, 999 emergency...Sir Ian here! What's the nature of the call? I do hope it's a crime. Where they black?'

JOE BROCKERS: 'Blimey... didn't expect to get through to you!'

SIR IAN BLAIR: 'Ordinarily you wouldn't, but we've had a number of cutbacks. (Sighs.)I'm eating standing up. What's the nature of your call, chummy?'

JOE BROCKERS: 'I'm calling about yellow boards.'

SIR IAN: 'Yellow... what!?' (Choking on some food.)

JOE BROCKERS: 'In Lewisham Way, and Wickham Road, and, well, pretty much everywhere really. More boards than dogshit actually.'

SIR IAN: 'Just a minute, that's very serious. Let me see if I've got this right... Brockley in south east London, Lewisham Division, isn't it?'

JOE BROCKERS (surprised): 'Yeah. How did you guess?'

SIR IAN: 'A policeman's hunch is rarely wrong. That's the only place in London about to see year on year price rises, got two delis, a health food shop, lousy pubs, but getting the tube so that'll open up the pub route too. I'd buy now if I was you!'

JOE BROCKERS: 'Right...anyway--'

SIR IAN: '--The wife and I have got an eye on that one.'

JOE BROCKERS: 'Really?'

SIR IAN: 'Nothing too big. Red house on the corner of Wickham and Harefield.... (A QUICK ASIDE)Once I've had the traffic redirected that is. Anyway, how can I be of assistance, yellow crime boards wasn't it?'

JOE BROCKERS: 'Yes. Err..right before we start, Commissioner. My lord, can I just say that I'm recording this call?'

SIR IAN: 'Yes.'

JOE BROCKERS: 'I'm recording this call. Testing... Testing... One two... Test--'

SIR IAN: '--Why are you recording this call?'

JOE BROCKERS: 'Err...for training purposes.' [And other reasons that make no sense whatsoever but that's what they all say.]

SIR IAN: 'We record... everyone.'

JOE BROCKERS(surprised): 'Gosh! really! Gosh!' (Ouick impression of Hugh Grant.)

SIR IAN: 'Like I'm recording this...' (Munching on sandwich.)
'Mmm...Mmm..'

HE DID NOT SAY WHY HE WAS RECORDING HIMSELF EATING BUT CONTINUED...

SIR IAN:'For reasons of national security, I suppose I should ask if you're an MP? Or an anarchist?'

JOE BROCKERS: 'Err... no. I'm an undercover reporter investigating fraud by a top police officer.'

SIR IAN: 'Phew, that's alright then! Only, these days you have to be quite vigilant as a senior police officer being investigated for fraud.(Pause.) Anyway what can I do for you, sir, only I'm having my lunch see.' (SOUND OF BURPING.)

JOE BROCKERS: 'I'm conducting some research on behalf of Brockley Central.'

SIR IAN: 'Never?'

JOE BROCKERS: 'Yes.'

SIR IAN: 'Well I'll be blowed. Only, the media isn't too keen on me these days. (Sound of sobbing.) I'm not sure how much more I can take...'

JOE BROCKERS: 'Err.. commissioner.. pull yourself together. I'm sorry, but... yellow boards?'

SIR IAN: 'Ah, yes, what about them? Do you like the colour, only I did toy with green..?'

JOE BROCKERS: 'The colour's fine. It's just, well, they're all over the gaff. Nightmare for blind people. In fact, there's more yellow crime signs in Brockley than redundant 'let by' boards, and the estate agents aren't best pleased. Enough's enuff!'

SIR IAN: 'I see... Who runs the site, sir?

JOE BROCKERS: 'Runs what site?'

SIR IAN: 'Names? We deal in names at the Met. Brockley Central? Usual suspects is it?'

JOE BROCKERS: 'Oh... err... yeah. Nick... and ... Jon.' [SORRY GUYS BUT HE PLACED ME UNDER ENORMOUS PRESSURE.]

SIR IAN: 'We don't do first names, Sir. Surnames or aliases, distinctive features, tattoos, that kind of thing.'

JOE BROCKERS: 'I don't know about tattoos. And as for surnames...I'm not at liberty to--'

SIR IAN: '--I see.. like that is it? We'll see about that! Just you wait one minute! Move a muscle and I'll shove me truncheon so far up your backside you'll be cleaning your teeth with it!'

SOUND OF A RED PHONE BEING PICKED UP.

SIR IAN: 'Get S019! Get the SAS! Get a cuppa tea with two sugars and a slice of toast! I wanna know everything there is to know about Brockley Central! (PAUSE.) Kick in every door if you have to! And don't call me 'Guv'! How many times do I have to tell you, it's Sirian! (WHISPERING INTO RED PHONE.) They're on to me. They've worked out my cunning yellow initiative. (Pause) Yes the one that's aimed at devaluing property prices in Brockley so I can go in with the lower offer. Cunning? Yes, 'tis rather. Where was I? Ah, yes. (PAUSE.) Oops!'

SIR IAN REPLACED THE RED PHONE AND CAME BACK ON THE LINE. HE CLEARED HIS THROAT.

SIR IAN: 'Err... did you hear that?'

JOE BROCKERS: 'Yes.'

SIR IAN: 'Got it on tape I suppose?'

JOE BROCKERS: 'Everything.'

SIR IAN: 'Then...I'd just like to make the... following statement, if I may, Sir. "My yellow crime boards do a difficult job, under difficult circumstances. And no, I do not charge them out at a tenner a day. It's only a fiver.!'"

AT THIS POINT THE PHONE WAS REPLACED, RUDELY I THOUGHT.

And so there you have it...out of the horse's mouth... a cunning plan indeed.

Anonymous said...

.....we could always do our own yellow boards warning of danger. We could get invite local artists to paint portraits of likely suspects. I have seen examples of murals with likenesses that are quite remarkable, so the talent is definitely there. Brockley could be the incubator for a unique blend of grassroots community activism and portraiture that could eclipse even the NewX Brit Artists. I really haven't been so excited since I stumbled on broken TVs littering the streets of Brockley and realized they were in fact art installations created by Goldmiths students. This could be the big one.

Tom said...

Thanks for that insight JP!

I had thought the boards were put up because of a particular need for witnesses - ie a case was ongoing.

There's a particularly nice one up at the moment near Rokeby House about a "shooting incident" on 27 December.

... come to Brockley for Xmas and get shot ... lovely message

chap said...

I had no idea the police we're responsible for promoting the image of an area? I thought they were charged with investigating crimes by erm...asking people if they saw anything?

The met really do need some instruction on 'branding' an area.

Anonymous said...

On a different note,SE4 magazine has recently arrived through the letter box and there's a link to a petition for a Brockey Cross farmers market,which I think is a great idea Unfortunately the link doesn't work. Does anybody know how/where to find the petition?
Cheers

fabhat said...

The Livesey museum is threatened with closure. It's a great museaum and a real asset to the neighbourhood - espeically as it's free! I used to go all the time as a child, and it seems a real shame to see it being closed, especially when the figure quoted (£5000?) is so tiny. Can you do something about this Brockley Jon/Nick - I know it's not exactly our area, but just down the road, and probably the nearest museum to Brockley.

www.liveseymuseum.org.uk

Anonymous said...

Anon: I don't receive the SE4 mag, but it is probably the market which the BCAG has been trying to get off the ground for several years now. Take a look at their website.
Moira

Amanda said...

The Livesey museum closed for the want of 5,000 pounds? If the issue is simply that sum of money, then I doubt it will close. I have never even been inside and I would contribute some money to save it, as I'm sure many others would

Brockley Nick said...

@Fabhat - I didn't know about this. Thanks for drawing it to our attention, I will try to write about it soon.

Anonymous said...

THE TALBOT ON THYRWITT ROAD!!!!
What on earth is going on? Is James at the honor oak taking it over or not?! He's disappeared off the face of the earth - can anyone contact him? We really need a decent pub!

Brockley Nick said...

Yes, we are talking to James and we will bring you the story as and when we can.

Anonymous said...

That's Maurice (Mooreece) the owner. He does fantastic food. Very good on private parties.

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