New restaurant for Brockley*

*With, err, strip club attached.

Last week, the Morning Advertiser - the licensee trade website - reported that A&F Clubs Ltd were planning to capitalise on a recent relaxation of the laws governing lap dance venues and the extension of the East London Line by opening three venues in South East London, with Brockley among them.

Naturally, we wanted to get to the bottom of this story, in the interests of informing the community. So we put in a request for an interview and found them surprisingly forthcoming about their plans.

"For us, Brockley is a no-brainer," said Francis Allan, the co-owner. "The East London Line is going to bring thousands of young men who work in the City in to the area for the first time. There's not much nightlife in the area and our experience [from their existing clubs in North London] shows that there's a big market for gentelmen's clubs in Zone 2 areas, popular with young commuters.

"The guys we cater for work damn hard and they want to be able to come home, crack open a bottle of champagne and enjoy the company of our girls, a short distance from their flats. No offence to Brockley, but delis, quiet pubs and little Thai cafes just don't cut it for them. There'll be table dining, as well as table dancing.

"We're looking at sites on Lewisham Way and Brockley Road, although we're restrained by car parking options. Our customers spend a lot of money on their motors, and they like to use them whenever possible.

"During the day, we'll be catering for a different crowd, by offering very good value buffet-style lunches. Rest assured though, our clubs are upmarket affairs - we operate strict door policies and offer a top-quality experience to our customers."

In Brockley Central's view, if this is what it takes to attract the spending power of wealthy city boys, then it's a price worth paying. Certainly, it's better than yet another bookie and it will improve the area's nightlife.

But what do you think?

27 comments:

Anonymous said...

This is an April Fool's day joke, yeah?

Anonymous said...

Fooled me for a couple of seconds there...

Anonymous said...

I was outraged for all of 30secs till I realised it must be an April Fools. Very funny.

betamatt said...

OK, I admit it - you got me for a minute there.
Very good!

Headhunter said...

As long as it sells cheap extra virgin olive oil and delightful little amuse-bouche I'll be happy....

tyrwhitt michael said...

No point in a new one, when there is Ska Burlesque monthly at the Amersham Arms.....

Next event this Friday

Or is Burlesque an art form rather than titilation?
Discuss..........

Anonymous said...

Would anyone else actually welcome this? I would!

Avril De Loof said...

This is great news, in area of high unemployment, this venture will provide women of the area, much needed job opportunites that will allow to utilise all their talents...and I hear table dancing is fabulous for fitness.

Tom said...

Nice one Nick. I fell for that one! For only a minute, honest!

BTW, anyone seen any flying penguins?

andy pandy pudding & pie said...

Yeah, this is good news for Brockley.... *cough*

Monkeyboy said...

If I get a 'back, sack & crack' can I perform?

(if you've no idea what I'm on about, Google it)

Sue Luxton said...

Hmm, that would pose dilemmas for councillors from a party with a very liberal policy on the sex industry! I was already inwardly wishing it on Brockley ward councillors to deal with rather than the Ladywell ward bit of Brockley Road, before I sussed! That's the second April Fool blog post I've been almost taken in by today; the other was a rather more alarming prospect:

Green Party launches fund raising nude calendar

Anonymous said...

Ha ha, this blog is great! Keep it up chaps!

Brockley Nick said...

I was hoping to get a few outraged comments before people twigged it was an April Fool's joke, but glad it got some of you, if only temporarily. ;)

Anonymous said...

lol..... I forgot it was April fools day!

Amanda said...

This is hiliarious, what a fantastic wind up, so well written and concieved. Totally designed to get us going, it has everything; the fear of 'degeneration' in Brockley through the invasion of rapacious city boys, with their champagne bottle cracking and big motor driving ways versus the sincerely held desire for nightlife improvements and more resturants in the area.

This excruiating cultural dilemma for Brockley is straddled by the brilliantly voiced 'Francis Allen', who bullishly declares... "For us [pause] Brockley is a no brainer".
hee hee

Excellent, well done Nick.

Headhunter said...

OMG Monkeyboy! Actually, to continue in my market analysis of what retail outlets the area needs, if a strip joint did open I guess there might be increased demand for the "back, sack and crack", or at least it's female equivalent. Brazilian with your fried chicken anyone?

Anonymous said...

it's a very limp April Fool. Must try harder next year. Honestly, it's as if Bernard Manning's ghost came back to BrockleyCentral for a moment. Brockley Nick is clearly a fan of the Two Pints of Lager/My Family world of "comedy"

Tressillian James said...

brilliant stuff..

Anonymous said...

Awww! You mean it was a wind up?

I had visions of Homeview turning into a showcase for erotic dance.

A respite for all the hardworking guys to unwind, away from the screaming babies and the fulminations of their neurotic spouse.

No champagne? No foxy chick to loosen a fellas tie. No bump and grind?

Thats the problem with Brockley - no culture!

Richard said...

Fell for it hook, line and sinker. Even told somebody else about it before actually opening the thread.

Also fell for the BMW peeing-dog-zapper story - I've been especially gullible this year.

My excuse is I read these stories well after noon and so didn't have my April Fools defenses up!

spincat said...

I bet you've disappointed a few people!
Damn it was spotted so quick though.

Bea said...

What the "BMW peeing-dog-zapper story" wasn't real? I so thought it was!!!

Although I did get Nick's April Fool when I read "For us, Brockley is a no-brainer,"!

Kate said...

ROFL! Nice one. I have to admit, you had me going for a moment. I was just about to email all my women's charity network types and get them down to Brockley with some banners!

Anonymous said...

@Kate - 'for' or 'against'?

Tressillian James said...

Did you guys see the Flying Penguins on BBC I-Player? - a classic

Anonymous said...

I wish it wasn't a joke. Anything to replace the DREADFUL Brockley Barge.

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