Are we hot or not?

What's the average totty rating of the denizens of Brockley? BC's observations suggest there are clear hotspots for booty-bagging - but there are also definite no-go zones.

For starters, any shop selling fried food is definitely out of bounds. The best date you'll get here is a can of cider on a park bench.

Speaking of the park, that's got to be our top tip. Hilly Fields is positively bursting with talent on a sunny summer evening, albeit often of the sweaty and wheezing kind (aka joggers). BC's experiments haven't yet discovered a foolproof way of breaking the ice, though we can reveal that tripping up the object of your affection definitely doesn't work.

Most local pubs are fairly low in the likelihood stakes, with the honourable exception of Jam Circus, the headquarters of Brockley's beautiful people. Hopefully the re-vamped Talbot (if it ever happens) will also become a totty-farm.

The delis are both worth a try, although hang around for too long here and you'll find your expanding waistline may put off potential candidates.

The station can be a good chance to get up close and personal with someone tasty as you cram onto those overcrowded trains - thanks, Southern! - but do you really look your best first thing in the morning?

And yes, we do have an ulterior motive - BrockleyCentral (or at least those sections of it which are single) thought it was about time we used the blog for a shameless date-search. All offers to the usual email address, please.

92 comments:

patrick1971 said...

What's wrong with a can of cider on a park bench? (Maybe that's where I'm going wrong!)

Anonymous said...

are we really discussing this?

Bea said...

Errr - it would seem so ...

The Brockley Telegraph said...

ah bless.. its always fun to 'totty watch'. There was this really fit runner in Hillyfields. You know, the tall dark muscular type. Very impressive - I almost took up running myself.

Almost.

Anonymous said...

Actually some of the (generally black) girls I've encountered in my extremely infrequent (you understand) visits to the local fried-chicken emporia, can be quite hot!

Headhunter said...

Has anyone tried the whole bluetooth thing with their mobiles to pick up in bars? I haven't really tried it but I think you switch on your bluetooth and see who pops up and then send them messages etc before revealing your identity. Brockley certainly does have a cross section of hot young totty. Must try it in Jam Circus.

Anyway, where's Hugh? he usually has a thing or 2 to say about totty in stilettos walking down Wickham Road...

Monkeyboy said...

I was offered some erm... 'oral relief' on the way to the station one morning at Brockley Cross if that counts? Think she may have been a down on luck advertising exec trying to scrape enough together her morning a pain au chocolate fix.

Headhunter said...

Did you say yes?

finbar saunders said...

Strippers in the White Hart, oral relief in Coulgate Street, we are below the belt this afternoon......fnarr fnarr

Monkeyboy said...

I was rushing for the 07:25 so had to decline.

Tressillian James said...

maybe oral relief WAS a pain au chocolat.....

Monkeyboy said...

I was in bit of a hurry, I may have misinterpreted her advance. Story of my life....

Hugh said...

There's a way hot piece of fitness for your eyes to enjoy who sometimes walks down Tyrwhitt Road, presumably on the way to St John's station. Blonde.

skindeep said...

"are we really discussing this?"

why be surprised - although written tongue in cheek, it's actually very much in line with the general ethos of this place and in particular the focus & emphasis on signs rather than substance - whether those signs be metaphorical (like physical appearance as as signifier of worth, or house prices as a signifier of status/value) or material (speedicars, yellow crime signs etc..)

Monkeyboy said...

Mmmmm.... tongue....

(it's the weather, sorry...)

Brockley Nick said...

@skindeep, you care to point us to an article about house prices as a signifier of status?

What would you like us to discuss please?

skindeep said...

ah come on you trying to tell me that the topic of house prices (or factors which influence them) do not play a significant, although consciously concealed, element in, and forms an undertone of, a whole heap of stuff in this place

once the above has been acknowledged the rest flows from that

skindeep said...

would you care to point me to somewhere where i've said you should not discuss a certain thing though?

or are (personal) observations and recognition of common themes outlawed?

Brockley Nick said...

So, to put it another way, you can't find a single article among the nearly 600 on this site which argues house prices are a signifier of status. And you offer nothing in terms of alternative topics for discussion.

We're always keen for new suggestions about things that need discussing.

By the way, on this afternoon's tour of brockley cross, discussing the poor state of the main streets, one of the attendees tripped and fell on the uneven pavement - another victim of superficial trivia no doubt!

Brockley Nick said...

By the way all, please note the author of the piece. I am happy to pass on your advances, but I'm not personally seeking offers. Unless you're well fit with a fabulous house and, by extension, a better class of person.

skindeep said...

'So, to put it another way, you can't find a single article among the nearly 600 on this site which argues house prices are a signifier of status. And you offer nothing in terms of alternative topics for discussion.'

i'll let others read into what they see, as they see fit (although i note again your desperation for, and grounding in signs as an indicator or substitute for actual reality/substance)

'By the way, on this afternoon's tour of brockley cross, discussing the poor state of the main streets, one of the attendees tripped and fell on the uneven pavement - another victim of superficial trivia no doubt!'

yes your right, that one example negates everything i've said, well done (and who mentioned trivia?)

Hugh said...

To answer the initial question, Brox has almost no good-looking birds. I've lived here for years and believe me I know.

Anonymous said...

Oh dear skindeep you wally. You slagged off the blog, the man asks you to back up your claims with a fact or two and you accuse him of grasping at signs! Facts are substance, you muppet.

And asking you to SUBSTANTIATE your insults is not the same as censoring you.

Anyway nick, what happened on the grand tour?

skindeep said...

as i said, i'll leave others to read what they want into what they see, just as i did - although it seems to have hit a raw nerve with jesus of brockley and some of his disciples

and i notice your reduced to insults as a form of retort, so please don't be offended when i treat your comments with the due respect they undoubtedly wararant

Monkeyboy said...

...so anyway, ignoring the sense of humour failure of one of our more po faced readers.

A nice young lady (I can say that now I'm 40) served me in Dandelion Blue - but I'm guessing she smells of cheese? I can live with that.

Monkeyboy said...

....Actually come to think of it the Chinese at Brockley Cross, an otherwise unremarkable establishment, has a gorgeous girl serving.

jon s said...

I'm sooo glad my grandmother was Parisian, the French really get emotions and intimacy. Its simple to strike up a conversation with someone, ask their positive opinion about something, e.g. food suggestions in a deli or your fit totty for exercise suggestions as long as they aren't running.

Better still, join several activities aligned with your interests and social culture, then ask the positive questions there. e.g. being active and zenlike - parkour; like trivia, beer and a laugh - a pub quiz; fine dining - a wine appreciation course.

Of course being 6'2 an ex rower and having all my hair may have something to do with it..........

As for the sniping comments from some, pax! If it's not your cup of tea, don't comment.

Salut

Danja said...

I'll bet you charge about twice as much as the going rate for that as well.

BOss said...

I might danja, I just might, but I throw in the sign for free

The Brockley Telegraph said...

who cares about the good looking female totty, where do all the men hang out?

Anonymous said...

omigod what s wrong with you!!!!!!

spincat said...

There are many many estate agents and undertakers in SE4 - also many fried chicken joints. Their staff may be lonely and looking for love, so maybe hang out around their doors?

Tamsin said...

Outside the Delis and Chinese shops looking, unfortunately, in the wrong direction, i.e. at the gorgeous girls inside...

Anonymous said...

Andy - head to the Rose an Crown in Greenwich

max said...

Happy Birthday Monkeyboy!

Anonymous said...

The men totty that you're looking for also hang out on Hilly Fields. You know where the toilets are?

skindeep said...

yep because all gays are promiscuous/deviant aren't they, and if you're a gay man then it goes without saying your into random sex in public toilets

yet another example of the focus on the superficial sign/signifier than the substance of a thing

Happyshopper said...

I've only just moved to Brockley, but I've already seen talent. There was a very hot guy jogging along Avignon Road. I nearly fell over.

The Brockley Telegraph said...

Nice - West Brockers talent! Even better than Hillyfields.

There are actually quite a high number of gay couples living in Brockley. I see living in Brockers as the gay version of Desperate Housewives!

Happyshopper said...

Yes, I am a gay couple and I have just moved to Brockley. It's very handy for Borough market.

Slightly less eventful than Desperate Housewives though. Maybe a better comparison would be a gay Last of the Summer Wine?

The Brockley Telegraph said...

Maybe you have a point there judging by some of the people around brockers :o)

I'm also in a gay couple too. We should organise a brockley gay society - cat walking and tea parties - sounds great! :o)

Anonymous said...

"Ere, what's gay about cat walking and tea parties?" etc. ensues

Anonymous said...

Kate, Ive noticed a not bad looking chap who seems to be training for something. He "bounces" (I'm serious - it isn't running and it isn't jumping) along Tressilian about 7pm. It must be part of his programme.

Anonymous said...

By hot totty do people mean sweaty armpits?

Anonymous said...

No. it's an excuse to drink whisky, honey, and lemon at the onset of a cold.

Anonymous said...

I object to the use of 'honey' as sexist. I'm off to the local organic shop to voice my concerns...

Headhunter said...

What about "leaning to the lavender"? I bet that really riled you...

Veritas said...

Generally a little dissollusioned by Brockley's lack of yummy mummies - where are you. As a single girl I find it usefull to attach myself to a few as thier male / female following is phenomenal.

who ever runs this blog, please do set up a weekend picnic in hilly fields - that should bring them out.

Anonymous said...

....well I'm LITERALLY hot! Sweating like a South African gold miner (or am I offending the honest working class heroes out there?)

I'll be sleeping on the sofa downstairs 'cos my bedroom is roasting. Even if I do occupy it alone....again....sigh.....

tyrwhitt ali said...

I'd like to think that I was hugh's "hot piece of fitness" who walks down tyrwhitt road, but I doubt it.....Still I'm blond and walk down the road lots lol.

Kate, if you find anything that works, let me know....

Headhunter said...

So Kate, since writing this piece have you been inundated with illicit enmails proposing evening trysts with tall dark strangers on Hilly Fields?

Hugh said...

Ali, are you blond or blonde? It makes a difference to me.

Anonymous said...

There were some “hot” guys practicing some kind of martial arts on Hillyfields yesterday afternoon (not far from the toilets!). Their upper torsos made nice eye candy whilst pretending to look at the view of the Docklands.

Scraping the barrel said...

There's a satanically attractive runner on Hilly Fields some mornings. Stubble + sweat = hot!

Myatt Garden boasts some very yummy daddies a few of which may be widowers or divorced...

Lewisham Way's a possibility if you like your men older than your dad and respond well to chat-up lines like: "would you like to come back to my house for multiple orgasms?"

tyrwhitt ali said...

Hugh, I'm a blonde. Obviously I'm also not a morning person....

Brockley Jon said...

Here are my observations!

The best bet for any totty in these parts (fnar fnar!) is to don your skinny jeans, leave the leafy enclave of SE4, and head for New Cross to any of the student pubs. There you are guaranteed to find kooky arty types.

The voyeurs amongst you might want to go up to Blythe Hill Fields, where yesterday you could witness a woman with a shapely derriere sunbathing in a thong and nothing else. When shouting to her kids in the playpark she did at least attempt to keep hold of her 'valuables'.

For the old fashioned perv, head to the Wickham, where it's usually the barmaids who are the attraction. Somebody else mentioned that on another thread. I often see them being letched at by the regulars when they reach down to grab a tonic water. Would never have noticed myself, you understand...

Hugh said...

Ali, if you're the blonde I'm thinking of, let's go for a drink. Please wear those heels.

Anonymous said...

Are any of the people who post here good looking? I'd honestly give myself 7/10 and that's based on definables, height, clear skin, white teeth, glossy hair, well groomed.

Hugh said...

Is 'well groomed' a euphemism for back/sack/nethervalley?

Tressilliana said...

My goodness, what a question! All in the eye of the beholder, surely? As someone who has been married since the dawn of time, I am watching this discussion with anthropological interest.

Just out of interest, Anon, you seem to be implying that you can make a direct connection between height and being good-looking. Is there a rating scale here, along the lines of one point for every inch over 5' or under 6', depending on your point of view?

Anonymous said...

Nope. That's a bit too metrosexual even for me, groomed in the GQ sense: good hair cut, classic cut of clothes. You won't find me in stonewashed jeans.


You'll find women, most women like tall men, it enables them to wear heels and feel sexy. So yeah it does contribute to attractiveness.

Anonymous said...

sack is a must particulalry in this weather I tell thee.

Headhunter said...

I'm tall...

Tressilliana said...

As so often, I feel myself at sea in this kind of discussion. I am a woman and I suppose all I looked for in the matter of height was that he wasn't shorter than me - but if the right man had come along and that was his only drawback, I think I could have coped.

I don't find wearing heels makes me feel sexy, just sore of foot. So that's another reason.

The key things I would be looking for if I was a single woman would be: compatible sense of humour and social attitudes, intelligent, kind, sensible with money (which is not the same as rich), no body odour problem or other unpleasant habits. Appearance would be a long, long way down the list.

Monkeyboy said...

I'm short. Perhaps I should wear heals?

Brockley Nick said...

I suffered the indignity of being overtaken by Tom the other day - he can carry off lycra like few others can.

@MB - I assumed your name came about because you were in need of a back wax.

fabhat said...

monkeyboy - cuban heels are always a winner on a man. I think the heat makes everyone "apparently" hotter - I left the house today, and had to run to brockley station, run to the jubilee line and travel on the boiling hot tube to deliver something, then pretty much come straight back again on the now even hotter tube. I was sans make-up and wearing what I would define as home only clothes and probably sweaty. Yet, I got 2 separate "hello sexy" comments. Weird. Even I knew I wasn't looking anything but temperature hot...I put it down to either looking like I was so rough I would be up for anything nice, or that the heat turns men's brains to sex mush. Plus I'm not blonde, so neither man could have been hugh.

Headhunter said...

Monkeyboy - I'm sensing an urge to wear drag in you. When we discussed the possibility of a strip joint in Brockley a few months ago, you were signing up for that back, sack and crack so you could work there, and now heels? I say go for it, nothing ventured nothing gained....

Hugh said...

I think 'sex mush' is a fair description.

What are you wearing?

tyrwhitt ali said...

Hugh, I think I'm going to have to disappoint. It's obviously not me, as I normally trot down the hill in my flats! I can't face putting heels on until I've reached my destination.

As a general point though, tall men are good :-)

tyrwhitt ali said...

Hugh, I think I'm going to have to disappoint. It's obviously not me, as I normally trot down the hill in my flats! I can't face putting heels on until I've reached my destination.

As a general point though, tall men are good :-)

Hugh said...

Don't think I haven't seen you eyeballing me on the 8:46 to Cannon Street.

Monkeyboy said...

2008 is the year of the short hairy bloke, I read it in one of the specialist magazines my local news agent orders for me.

Monkeyboy said...

....and Nick, I shall not be answering your comment but suffice to say I have a morbid fear of velcro.

Headhunter said...

I still think you'd look good in drag....

Anonymous said...

Like that old Kenny Everrit character...

jon s said...

Nice brush off there!! :-)

Tall men being attractive is well proven, as is why us men like hourglass women. The more academically driven can google why.

Anyone know why thin ankles are attractive?

Anonymous said...

Monkeyboy in drag

Brockley Nick said...

Other things being equal, tallness in men is attractive. But it's a known fact that shorter men are on-average better looking facially.

I got that one from Andy's big book of scientific facts.

Headhunter said...

All done in the best possible taste. Eh Monkeyboy?

jon s said...

Nick, you encouraging him??

Brockley Nick said...

As if it makes a difference.

Headhunter said...

Jon S - I think different cultures find different parts of the body alluring. Traditionally, Japanese men found the back of the neck and top of the shoulders very sexy, which is why Geisha/Geiko used to wear their kimono pulled back to expose this area

Hugh said...

I like heels.

Monkeyboy said...

I like breasts....

...shall we shut this thread down before Aunty Kate scalds us?

jon s said...

HH didn't know that about Japan, thanks! Some African men like large rears.

btw. I like tall women, It's nice not to have to lean too far down for a kiss, so agree with Hugh's heels if they are artifical to increase height.

Monkeyboy, does it have something to do with what's in your eye line?

The Brockley Telegraph said...

I like a well-packed lunch, If you know what I mean.

Monkeybaby - I blame you for making me say that. :o)

Anonymous said...

Everyone is going on about what they like, but what have you got to offer?

spincat said...

I don't agree about tallness in men. A lot of women find jockeys very attractive, eg. Frankie Dettori. Unfortunately, very few jockeys live in Brockley - well, none probably

spincat said...

I don't agree about tallness in men. A lot of women find jockeys very attractive, eg. Frankie Dettori. Unfortunately, very few jockeys live in Brockley - well, none probably

tyrwhitt ali said...

At this rate Aunty Kate is going to need to set up a dating subsite hee hee!

The Brockley Telegraph said...

Boss, you are kind of scary.

Tell me, are you the head of the local drug mafia?

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