This is Brockley. Alight here for...

There are a lot of unexpected details that the tube's arrival in Brockley has turned up.

- The tannoy announcer system struggles to keep up with the frequency of the new service, so anyone hanging around the station for more than a few minutes is subjected to an unremitting stream of live commentary on arrivals, departures and delays.

- Brockley Station now feels naked without a proper tube map.

- And the East London Line stations themselves are one of the best illustrations of the north / south divide in London. Every station north of the river feels like a major metropolitan hub – every station south, with the exception of Canada Water, feels sleepy and provincial.

But the thing that has most struck us is that when you arrive at New Cross Gate, you’re told to alight for Goldsmiths. At Brockley, we’ve got nothing. There is no reason to get off. Even at Surrey Quays they offer you the chance to change trains.

So if the operating company were willing to change the commentary to give passengers a sense of what they are missing every time they pass through Brockley, what would we ask people to alight for?

60 comments:

Anonymous said...

Apples, yummy mums, and the finest MDF neo clasical restaurant frontage this side of Athens.

Monkeyboy said...

Apples, yummy mums, and the finest MDF neo clasical restaurant frontage this side of Athens.

drakefell debaser said...

It would also be nice if the announcer on the train got the place name right. Arckley is a bit of a piss take.

However, the Rivoli Ball room is the only candidate I can think of.

Brockley Nick said...

Ha, yes, forgot about that one. Maybe that's a good excuse to get them to re-record.

I thought about the Rivoli, but I thought Hilly Fields (or even Telegraph Hill) might be a better choice, given how infrequently the Rivoli is open and that Crofton Park is the closest station.

Headhunter said...

Does it still say "Arckley"? I hadn't heard anyone comment on it here for a while so assumed they had fixed that. There really is nothing specific to alight for at Brockley, but that's not a bad thing. I'm happy with Brockley as a little community without all those damn outsiders coming in. Local shops and facilities for local people. BTW I wouldn't necessarily say that Tube stops in North London always feel like Metropolitan hubs, some of the Tube stops out on teh Jubilee and Metropolitan Lines feel fairly provincial, although not the zone 2 ones I suppose...

M said...

Hilly Fields. Got to be.

Anonymous said...

Brockley High Street: Cheapest booze at the Barge and trendy betting shops!!

Almost forgot, and you can collect your ACE Van at the Brockley MOT place.

Brockley Nick said...

@HH - I was talking about the ELL stations specifically. I went to Dalston for the first time yesterday. Massive station. It's southern equivalent in terms of number of stops south of the river is Forest Hill.

Not a complaint, btw, just an observation.

M said...

HH, I think Nick meant the ELL stations north of the river - not all of them.

I haven't heard it as Arkley on my 2 trips on the ELL. I will listen closely next time.

bs said...

Observations ARE criticisms, (on this blog) so stop you whingeing, you mean spirited, miserablist, etc, etc yada yada.

Brockley Nick said...

nope. try again.

Anonymous said...

It's weird because ometimes it's Arkley but sometimes it's Brockley - clear as day - have no idea why that is.

Anonymous said...

Alight here for Conscpicuous Consumption Junction

The Cat Man said...

Alight here for fried chicken

Anonymous said...

i thought there was a tube map at Brockley station

Anonymous said...

Get off for....

"An argee bargee"
(Brockley Cross and The Barge)


"The Original West Side Story"

Anonymous said...

Alight here for a cat snap.

michael said...

LOROL have refused to add 'alight here for the Horniman Museum' to the Forest Hill annoucement :(

Have they stopped referring to Brockley as 'Arkley' on the train anouncement?

Anonymous said...

At West Croydon the only feature which merits a mention is the Whitgift centre- not even the home office or that cultural highspot the museum of croydon are mentionned. PS cultural merit of this jewel in S London's crown not been assessed by author.

For Brockley home of van hire and met police most rated sandwich shop.

Tamsin said...

Michael beat me to it. I was going to say that if Forest Hill can't have the Horniman announced when they have specifically asked for it Brockley will just stay Brockley (or on occasion Arckley).

Brockley Nick said...

Maybe we're better at asking.

Tressilliana said...

Cambridge railway station has signs on the platform saying:

Cambridge
Home of Anglia Ruskin University

Tamsin said...

@ Brockley Nick - then please ask for our Charing Cross Service back again...

Brockley Nick said...

Ah tamsin, you're doing that thing you always do of confusing the ELL with the reason why the Charing X service was stopped. Completely unrelated.

Tamsin said...

No, Nick - you implied that Brockley might be better than Forest Hill at asking for things so I was suggesting, equally facetiously, that you exercise that skill on the relevant bodies (who play pass the parcel with the buck) to good effect to get these cuts restored.

I've never said that the ELL is the cause for the withdrawal of the Charing Cross service - that was a franchising stitch up between South-Eastern, Southern and the Department of Transport. (For South-Eastern to cut costs by closing Cannon Street earlier but maintain - they thought - the high-profit traffic from further out in Kent. Services now under review because they are under-utilised. Hah!) The only link with ELL is the way the PR people persistently tried to use it as a distraction ploy.

Brockley Nick said...

Apoloigies, I tarred you with the Headhunter brush. My mistake.

However, you don't ask LOROL to reinstate Charing X trains. ;)

Anonymous said...

alight here for the bakerloo line!!!
wishful thinking that is ....

Q said...

Brockley, this is Arkley. Alight here for shootings, the Orchard, Browns of Brockley, Degustation, Toads Mouth Too, Hilly Fields, Another Level Barbers - and Arkley Central. Oh, and Gulen's Wine bar.

Anonymous said...

The internationally reknown- (by 2025) Tea Factory gallery

Lou Baker said...

The difference is that north of the river parts of it are genuinely a new railway. Brilliantly reusing old railway arches, cuttings and viaducts but still new.

South of the river it's a few new orange signs and a bridge.

I've still been on the ELL when it's actually been on time but still.

Anyway I think we should have 'alight here for mung beans and gun crime."

Anonymous said...

This is not the tube.

Anonymous said...

It's awful here isn't it Lou? Why don't you leave. Please?

Rosie said...

Q said it: Alight here to get shot?

Kinglard said...

Not only is there no tube map, but no info re tube line closures at the weekend. Very frustrating - do you go to Canada Water or London Bridge to get the Jubilee or to Whitechapel for the District/H&C - or take your chance neither/both that they're not shut for planned works???

Anonymous Pete said...

Alight here to stand by the gate on Platform 2 for 5 minutes before giving up and schlepping up the stairs then realising that the gate has been opened but there's nobody down there.

Or for the famous tree dogs of Hilly Fields.

Anonymous said...

How crass is this thread.

Note - We have the Overground not the Underground. A good example of this is if you take a trip to Canada Water and have a look at the totem, which has Overground and Underground logos displayed. Our beloved Brockley has a Overground totem. So maybe campaigning for it to be called the Underground "tube" may be more adequate?

Should we call the DLR "tube", as its on the tfl map? Any attempt to raise house prices is always game on BC?

Mb said...

Lou, they used the existing new stations because they were on the route or built new ones where not. It's not some conspiracy to annoy you.

Brockley Nick said...

Congratulations Anon, you have cracked the secret code! http://ow.ly/21wZh

Civic pride is really about house prices.

Tyrwhitt Michael said...

Nobody's come up with the obvious so far.

Alight here and change for Brockley High Level?

We wish.................

Now Then said...

...for all stations to Greenwich park via Loampit Vale.....mmmm

only living boy said...

New Cross has missed an opportunity: their announcement should have been "Hello, good evening, welcome, to nothing much".

Anonymous said...

... beautiful and greenest conservation area, once compared by national newspapers to the Hampstead of the South East!!

Lady said...

on some of the stations on the Victoria to London Bridge line they have 'alight here for [insert name] S London's premier estate agent'. Better nothing than that.

Nylon said...

Change here for the 171 to Camberwell.

Alight here for Kate Bush's house and Daniel Beddingfield spotting.

Anonymous said...

Only living boy - spot on. Perhaps the service updates could also be changed to "are their delays on the network today? Is wrestling fixed?"

And anon at 23.56 - it's a tube line. Look, it's on a tube map:
http://www.tfl.gov.uk/assets/downloads/standard-tube-map.pdf

BrockleyBiker said...

The DLR is also on a tube map but that is a light railway...

Matt-Z said...

"This is Brockley. We are 24 minutes from Tulse Hill.

Anonymous said...

This is Arckley, alight here for self-deprecating South Londoners

Anonymous said...

Alight here for Sounds Around?

The Oracle said...

London's best kept secret.

BDS said...

Alight here for London's only conservation-protected dogging spot

quick brown fox said...

Hmm, I thought of 'best kept secret' too, but concluded there was an oxymoron in there somewhere :-)

Anonymous said...

Change here for Southern Services to Guildford, West Crordon and Caterham.

Anonymous said...

The Famous Barge !

Paddyom said...

Alight here for pimped up 1991 Beemers blaring reggae and doing u-turns in reverse at rush hour....?

Monkeyboy said...

"you are endering the Democratic Peoples Rebublic of Brockley. Please have your entry permits and Passports ready for inspection"

Future Comrade Tourist said...

Future comrade touristWe are happy to hear of your liberation. We will return to Brockley Central many times. We very much like sites as Brockley Central.

Andrew said...

"Sounds Around" un-missable...

Anonymous said...

druids please alight here for Hilly Fields stone circle...

Anonymous said...

I shall try using some of your suggestions in my PAs from now on, keep an ear-out.

Also, regarding Jubilee closures at the weekend, it's not something we ELL drivers get any briefing about, though some of us proactive ones look it up. I shall take your suggestions on board and try to give Jubilee closure info in future before New Cross Gate, and encourage my colleagues to do the same. Hope it helps

An ELL pilot

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