Come Dine With Me: Le Diner de Cons-ervation Area

Come Dine with Me - already perfect television - is about to help us achieve nirvana. The producers are currently scouting for talent in the Greater Brockley area. They say:

Anyone who might be keen on applying for the show can call 0871 244 4142 or email Shoot dates are 5th November – 9th November 2012.

Sadly, the producers won't commit to doing a Brockley-only version of the show (insisting that other nearby places might have to get a look-in), but they are missing a trick. This could be the piece of television that defines Brockley in the popular imagination, eclipsing the area's first appearance on Location, Location, Location or that documentary about rich and poor families living side-by-side in Brockley, that people who've been here a long time always drag up.

This is a chance to sit every Brockley stereotype (well, five stereotypes at least) side-by-side around a dinner table so we can at last define terms - our spectres will finally be given a face.


Anonymous said...

Could be an interesting week:

Monday: vegetarian
Tuesday: vegan
Wednesday: gluten free
Thursday: Ryvita
Friday: Honest fare slap up meal - the winner!

Anonymous said...

I don't think pouring hot water into a Pot Noodle counts as cooking.

Anonymous said...

That's days one and two out then, Anon!

Anonymous said...

Talking of decent grub Brockley Market has been nominated for the BBC Food & Farming Awards: Best Market. No word yet on whether Morleys got a nod but I wouldn't hold your breath.

Osh said...

Come on! Forget the mouse joke below, this has to be the greatest headline in the history of Brockley Central!?

Anonymous said...

If they needed someone to stir the pot of dinner table discontent.

Someone who does not really like cooking, but judges food by the way it slithers down and sits in the stomach. Who, however, has strong opinions about the merits of other peoples lifestyles and bristles at the thought of anyone being richer, wiser or having better taste.

Well the Brockley Central troll has all of those qualifications and Brockley has a fine selection of his most convenient cheap takeaways to do the cooking for him.

Brockley Central also has a snotty student type who is constantly on the look out for ists and isms.

Lets see it can also muster....a real ale bore.

What else? Mumsnet types who see the world through whats best for baby blinkers. A range of faddish baby foods and an obsessional interest in the digestive systems of infants.

Throw in a Property developer or two and a man from the council.

Brockley Central is a Diner des Cons and they make a meal from titbits of local news. More of a bird table than a dinner table, I think.

Anonymous said...

Do you know what really depresses me about that last post? Someone obviously spent some time crafting it. 20 minutes of his life he'll never get back.

Anonymous said...

I thought it was very creative. It could end up in a proposal for a new reality TV format.

'The Brockley Birdtable'

The programme that takes a wry look community debate in a small corner of South London.

Will it fly?

Brockley Nick said...

If someone wants to video a regular local debate, I'm happy to create a place for it on BC...

Le guest liste de cons said...

A guest list to ensure a lively debate:

Brockley Nick
Lou Baker

Nick takes the money and donates it to community projects.

Brockley Nick said...

If I have to endure 5 nights with Kolp, there is no way I am giving away the prize money. I am spending it on booze.

Anonymous said... are forgetting the multi-headed beast that is Anonymous.

Anonymous said...

a neighbour of mine was invited to take part in CDWM - he refused - I live in Ladywell

Acro Nimby said...


Anonymous said...

Cakes, Douphinoise, Wisteria, Mung

Tired Meme said...

CDWM - Come Dogging With me?

Le guest liste de cons said...

@ Brockley Nick

OK We have a deal - You can spend the money on Booze.

A small price to pay for the reality tv event of the decade.

kolp said...

Namaste to the haterz!

Anonymous said...

Ha.. brockley on come dine with me....don't make me laugh. I can guess the menu:

Mon: Gulans kebab, with chilli sauce of course.

Tues: Lions family chicken meal.

Weds: City Noodles special chow mein.

Thurs: Curry night in the barge

Fri: Cod and chips from fishy buisiness.

What a show that would be..

Anonymous said...

On another subject the South London Press has published the top 3 names for girls born in Brockley. These were:

3. Chardonnay
2. Chianti
1. Clamidia

Anonymous said...

Anon 12:55 - that actually sounds like a good week's worth of good, honest, hearty fare - with the minimum of artisan/vegetarian nonsense. Well done - I'd eat at yours any day!

Anonymous said...

You're not invited. Anywhere, I imagine.

NAT said...

That's for sure, and would be cynic Anon 12:55 seemingly has never heard of the show or knows its format.
Oh, and an artisan is a workman. Just that.

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