Brockley's Day of Reckoning

Oh, my wife says, well, you're not a poor man. You know, why don't you go online and buy a hundred envelopes and put them in the closet? And so I pretend not to hear her. And go out to get an envelope because I'm going to have a hell of a good time in the process of buying one envelope. I meet a lot of people. And, see some great looking babes. And a fire engine goes by. And I give them the thumbs up. And, and ask a woman what kind of dog that is. And, and I don't know. The moral of the story is, is we're here on Earth to fart around. And, of course, the computers will do us out of that. And, what the computer people don't realize, or they don't care, is we're dancing animals. You know, we love to move around. And, we're not supposed to dance at all anymore.
- Kurt Vonnegut

The Guardian is about to turn Brockley its merciless, reductive eye on our home. As spotted by reader M, "Let's Move To" columnist Tom Dyckhoff is asking Guardian readers to send him their views on the area, for next week's Saturday magazine. Dyckhoff is to house prices what the man from Del Monte is to the organge juice futures market, his verdicts pored over by right thinking liberals like us.

We're pleased to see that the paper has acknowledged the wisdom of the "greater Brockley" worldview, lumping together Brockley, Ladywell, Honor Oak and Nunhead, but then they also bundled Westcombe Park with Shooters Hill, which suggests perhaps Dyckhoff's grasp of South East London is not what it could be.

The column tends to revolve around transport links, schools and shops - all things this blog is concerned with of course, but we'd also like to offer a quick word for a few things about Brockley that are unlikely to make the cut:

1. The arcade game hidden away at the back of Brown's of Brockley because the owner's mate had nowhere else to put it

2. The flat bit at the bottom of Hilly Fields, which people cram on to during almost every daylight hour to play sport

3. The 9 volunteers from the Brockley Cross Action Group who decided to do something themselves about the weeds growing on Brockley Common one rainy weekend, so that it can be properly planted in the new year, despite it being abandoned by the contractors

4. The imposing view of the Brockley Jack when you travel north in to Crofton Park

5. The manager of Geddes, whose response, when we asked if they were planning any special offers for Christmas, invented this one for BC readers

6. The fact barely a weekend has gone by since we started this blog, without some kind of community event taking place

Please send the Guardian your recommendations here.

22 comments:

Anonymous said...

Someone has munged the email link at the end.

M said...

Works for me.
I'm writing to the Guardian and my pet hate is going to be rubbish mung 'jokes' and the people that make them.

John said...

This must be nirvana for Brockley residents!

oryx said...

I'm torn between saying nice things about the excellent bars and restaurants in my 'hood, and not wanting them filled with incomers so I can't get a seat/table.;-)

The inclusion of Nunhead is odd. It's more a part of Peckham or East Dulwich than of Brockley. Though I suspect that (like their journalistic brethren at Time Out) Guardian writers are about as familiar with SE London as I am with Jupiter.

The Cat Man said...

Well, to be fair - I live on the 'nunhead' side of Brockley (just west of brockley station) and my area has more in keeping with the housing stock of Nunhead rather than the Brockley Conservation area. I don't think its too far fetched!

I'm quite glad they are doing this report - Its abit scary though, the last thing I want for the area is more left wing 'claphamites' with henritteas winging over their fair trade mung lattes

Anonymous said...

Oh, your back then?.....great.

Anonymous said...

Get off the idiot bandwagon Catman. Wasn't it you bigging up the Broca shop before it opened and getting the Westside green spaces tidied up? Sounds a bit 'mung' to me...

Anonymous said...

I've just checked Gordonbrock's appearance on Victorian Society Buildings at Risk website. Feeling a bit ashamed. Will the Guardian feature, move to Brockley and see lovely old buildings demolished. If they can do it to this one, there must be a hole load more that won't be protected.

Anonymous said...

I presume they won't be trying to include such an Edwardian gem in the Ladywell conservation area?

m said...

Aren't we going to look like ignorant bumpkins who can't see the beauty of our stylish old board school, so we pull it down for something that is shiny and new.

Anonymous said...

..but it's not sustainable..(exeunt local councillor stage left)

M said...

It's actually either the God-botherers in the church itself getting wind of the poll or the type of people that make mung comments being terribly 'wacky'.

M said...

Oops - wrong thread!

patrick1971 said...

"We're pleased to see that the paper has acknowledged the wisdom of the 'greater Brockley' worldview, lumping together Brockley, Ladywell, Honor Oak and Nunhead"

What, no Crofton Park? Not only is Crofton Park the location of the original hamlet of Brockley, it's also the best bit of present-day Brockley. I may even write and tell Mr Dyckhoff so myself.

caseyjones said...

But Crofton park has no history,Its just a name that was made up by a Railway Company.

Monkeyboy said...

well nowhere had a name until someone made it up...really shouldn't be posting on Crimbo day.

I'm off.

Headhunter said...

Yeah but most places' names developed slowly through centuries. The name Crofton Park was thought up by an early marketing department of a Victorian railway company, although it's true that the original Brockley was about where Crofton Park is today.

Monkeyboy said...

New York didn't.

Headhunter said...

"Most" places, not "all" place names....

Monkeyboy said...

Sorry HH, I'm being obtuse. I aspire to be as anoying as Hugh.

BrockleyAus said...

Crofton Park doesn't sound bad. I find this revulsion to names being thought up by a company a bit strange. Most of the places in Australia with non aboriginal names were named after lords owed patronage or whom favour was curried from. Sydney, Parkes, Melbourne, Mount Kosciusko..

Monkeyboy you are to much of a positive bloke so don't even try. :-)

Monkeyboy said...

Well depends, I may have posted a few 'anon' comments. I'm seeing my therapist about it.

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