Coming soon: Something

Listen: We are here to fart around. Don't let anybody tell you any different.
- Kurt Vonnegut, Timequake

There has been a lot of good news in Brockley recently. Browns of Brockley is mere days away, Brockley Mess is nearly ready to open and work to refurbish the Talbot is well underway. Who knows, we may even get a handrailing at Brockley Station before the new East London Line trains arrive?

The good news has been coming so thick and fast that we had been planning to write a new wishlist for Brockley. But before we sat down to write it, it was already out of date. For while we were dreaming up nice things in Brockley, someone else was actually putting a business plan together.

We can't tell you quite yet what Brockley is about to get, but feel free to have a guess what has made us so excited.

176 comments:

Anonymous said...

A needle exchange?

Brockley Nick said...

Think harder.

Brockley Kate said...

A cinema?

A petting zoo?

A branch of M&S?

Brockley Nick said...

A petting zoo would be nice, actually. Not a petting zoo. :(

Brockley Kate said...

So that's a cinema or M&S? Or both perhaps? A cinema IN M&S? 'These aren't just films ... they're M&S films ...'

Anonymous said...

it's gotta be a sainsburys supermarket or even a waitrose ...

Richard Elliot said...

Grocer? Butcher?

The Cat Man said...

A pub!!! A new brand spanking glossy gastro pub, right at Brockley Station perhaps.

Or a gym - I mean, I really need a local gym now that I am turning 31....

Or perhaps a bookies is going to close! But that could be too much to wish for! :o)

Anonymous said...

Is it a mirror shop, so that Hugh and Headhunter can admire their legs/buns (and each other's)?

The Cat Man said...

Hmm, how about a convienient 'boundry chage' so that we become part of Southark Council, with their nice victorian lamposts as standard street fare!!

*sigh* - I'm obviously getting far too excited now.

M said...

A restaurant? Is Heston Blumenthal opening the Fat Duck 2 where Aquarium used to be?

Tyrwhitt Clifford said...

A pub!!! A new brand spanking glossy gastro pub, right at Brockley Station perhaps.

You've already got that its called the Barge. Its well exotic with a curry nite(sic) and everything.

My guesses:

Secure offenders unit.

Mental health care in the community unit.

Prison

or possibly a Nursery........

Anonymous said...

Please, a KFC!

Ross said...

a book shop?

Maradoll said...

a plant nursey for all the large lovely gardens of Brockley?

Maradoll said...

I'd also get pretty excited to have a local Japanese restuarant. Catford and Greenwich can be long walks from where I live.

Brockley Kate said...

Ooh yeah, garden centre or bookshop please!

Tyrwhitt Michael said...

Please not another gallery or deli......

Combined Butcher Game dealer & Fishmonger would do me nicely.

Anonymous said...

A DVD/Coffee shop and a yoga studio!

The Cat Man said...

Speaking of Game, has anyone tried that lovely game pie they serve at the TM2? Its amazing.

They even warn you about the possibility of finding shotgun pellets.

Hugh said...

I learned long ago not to trust anyone else's recommendations on places to eat.

Tyrwhitt Roger(er) said...

Perhaps one of the chicken shops could go over to deep fried organic grouse!

Free range organic Doner Kebabs sound good too!

Crofton Park Ranger said...

Cant imagine you are getting this excited about a starbucks...

Crofton Park Ranger said...

Is it a circus school?
...Or a monkey santuary?
...Or a paperclip warehouse?
...Or a Royal Palace?
...Or a magnet factory?
...Or a branch or Robert Dyas?

Anonymous said...

A no parking zone in Brockley Cross

Hugh said...

Is it a branch of Evans bike shop? (Rhetorical.)

Anonymous said...

Nick, can you tell us where this new business will be placed? Maybe not exact details, but general area of Brockley?

Paul

The Cat Man said...

This is driving me crazy now, I just need to know what this is!

Anonymous said...

'My guesses: Mental health care in the community unit.'

Ignorance towards supported housing or 'Mental health care in the community units' as you put it really frustrates me.
There is one supported housing unit I know of already in Brockley and there is likely to be several more in the area.
Please don't engage in stereotyping those with mental health issues in a negative way, because it's not going to help the stigma they are already having to deal with on a daily basis.

Anonymous said...

Give us a further clue?

Polster said...

A butcher/fishmonger would be top of my list, definitely. Oh, please let it be that!

Dr Gonzo said...

Lapdancing joint?

Anonymous said...

...a deep clean?
...an airport?
...a campus of Oxford University?
...a halting site?
...a music festival headlined by Oasis?
...whole food store first Saff London store?
...maybe Nick is having us on and its actually...nothing!

I just hope its something involving alcohol and possibly music.

Brockley Kate said...

A fishmongers would be ace. That please!

Anonymous said...

a statue of Brockley Nick?

Polster said...

A sushi bar? Champagne & oysters?
Or maybe just a Pizza Express...?

One said...

Ooh. Robert Dyas. Now that's a handy shop.

Brockley Kate said...

How about a statue of Brockley Nick INSIDE a fishmongers which ALSO sells glasses of champagne?

Polster said...

Brockley Nick, we're all really getting our hopes up now so you'd better not be pulling our legs. Don't ruin our day by telling us it's actually another Tesco Express or a kebab shop.

Anonymous said...

A nice medium size secondary school opening in 2014 in Brockley
A small library
An adventure playground
A branch of the co op and co op to bring back stamps
One way system in Geoffrey Road
Set barbecue weekends in November /December only- totoal ban all other times
Hard rubbish collections by council every two months

Brockley Nick said...

Hmmm... I hope I haven't over-egged this!

Anonymous said...

can't you give us a clue please Nick?

Hugh said...

Is it a black man's cock?

Anonymous said...

Hugh

By a black man's cock do you mean a Jerk Chicken shop?

Anonymous said...

FOR GODS SAKE NICK TELL US SOMETHING!!!!!!!!!

Tressilliana said...

Lewisham Council is going to copy Rochdale Council and put the Christmas lights up now:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/manchester/8214040.stm

Brockley Nick said...

The human head weighs eight pounds.

Paddyom said...

Nick you are starting to sound nervous... is it just an ATM or something?

Anonymous said...

Yours probably weighs double that right now. Stop playing around and tell us something about this that has some meaning. Where will this 'Something' be in brockley. Near the station, near crofton park?

Polster said...

Nick, can you at least tell us whether anyone has guessed correctly yet? Then we won't be quite as disappointed as we'll already know that it's not a fishmonger.

Brockley Nick said...

I promise I will tell you everything as soon as I can.

patrick1971 said...

We already have a butcher/fishmonger in Brockley: Peter James on Ewhurst Road.

Anonymous said...

Nick - fine. but right now you can tell us something that would add value to the article. You must know where this thing is going to be - approximately at least.

The Cat Man said...

Anyway....

... nice weather today!

Anonymous said...

Are you bound by some kind of confidentiality agreement?

Anonymous said...

A hotel & casino

Brockley Nick said...

@Anon - no, only the honour code of the blogger!

I think you're all adding plenty of value to the article with your guesses already. See the Vonnegut quote at the top!

Anonymous said...

In that case either a joke shop selling Whoppee cushions or a sewage works.

Anonymous said...

a waitrose, a pizza express, some hanging baskets and bunting in the streets

Anonymous said...

A wind farm?

Brockley Nick said...

Erm, that's one way to interpret the text, sure...

Anonymous said...

A public loo?

(dont get too excited Catman)

Anonymous said...

There's an idea! "The Brockley Cottage" has a nice ring to it, so to speak.

Tressilliana said...

Acorn Estate Agents took over what was the public loo in Crofton Park.

A fishmonger would be lovely. I don't remember that there's ever been one in Brockley. There have been garden centres in various parts of SE4 - all gone now as people didn't use them much once they could drive out to Ruxley Manor, Homebase or Phoebe's.

Anonymous said...

Whatever it is it now can't possibly live up to the level of expectation.

Anonymous said...

A fishmunger?

Michael said...

An Art Centre?

Paddyom said...

Right Nick, you are going to have to quell the flames a bit here - can you at least tell us what sector of business this mysterious 'plan' is in? Food, booze, entertainment, lavatory provision etc...?

The Cat Man said...

Ok ok ok, so when do you think you will be able to tell us?

one week? one month?

Michael said...

"putting together a business plan" makes it sound as though it is an independent.

The Cat Man said...

Well, he did say business plan so that implies private sector - I assume a 'new' business for an empty premise.

Has anyone checked out the council planning site? If a change of use is involved, it will need to be registered :o)

Brockley Nick said...

At Christmas, do you guys all insist on peeling back the wrapping paper from the presents under the tree, some time around December 23rd?

@Michael - yes, you are right.

Dr Gonzo said...

Watersportspark?

Anonymous said...

coulgate st weekly farmers market?

Anonymous said...

Organic food shop?

drakefell debaser said...

A local restaurant that has failed to realise its full potential is to re-invent itself?

or

A pimp my ride shop with "DIY or DIE" made 12v pedal powered sound systems for sale?

or

A gym / boxing hall?

Anonymous said...

Christmas market with our twinned German town

Anonymous said...

Toads Mouth wine bar.

Anonymous said...

Is Gulen's WIne Bar actually going to open occasionally?

Anonymous said...

Can you at least say where you think it will be? This info alone will be enough for most of us to know whether we still care. I.e. if it's in Ladywell I couldn't give a stuff.

Anonymous said...

Gulen Kebab bar and bistro

Anonymous said...

"We already have a butcher/fishmonger in Brockley: Peter James on Ewhurst Road."

Just about sums things up if you ask me! Whenever people cry "Ooh. We simply must have an artisan/independent (insert type of business) here", there's invariably one fitting that description already. Trouble is, it's so bloody artisan i.e., it's not actually a recognisable chain that you'd encounter in a more salubrious area, is tucked away down a side street, or is has such a humble shopfront, that it goes unnoticed.

Alright, so we don't have a petting zoo*, a paperclip warehouse as far as I know, or an airport (although there's four international ones within 25miles), but you get my drift. Hopefully

*I hear there's a monkey sanctuary of some description though.

Tyrwhitt Michael said...

It's not the final arrival of Meze Mangals long promised bakery along with a farewell to the dreaded Lewisham Way container by any chance?

And who are all these other Tyrwhitts muscling in on my manor?

Brockley Kate said...

Ooh ooh, is it related to the mysterious goings-on at La Lanterna? Looks as though someone is moving in there.

Anonymous said...

Is it access to westside of the station?

Anonymous said...

There will be a public lynching if this is crap.

Brockley Nick said...

When Kate does a game of I Spy, everyone says what a delightful way to pass the time it is (indeed it is!). When I do a guessing game, I'm threatened with lynching! Charming. ;)

Anonymous said...

yes, parents like to keep father christmas a closely guarded secret

but many of us aren't children any more... and don't need a protective father

Anonymous said...

Is it a public toilet?

Anonymous said...

Your stubborn refusal to give anything else is not an endearing quality. Those cynical among us may argue it is to simply generate site hits rather than really give us some local information. If you are bound by confidentiality that is one thing but simple generics such as which side of Brockley this is going to affect is another. Surely this site exists in a climate of goodwill?

Anonymous said...

Is it to do with old Lanterna restuarant there were about 50 coffee makers outside the other day.

Tyrwhitt Michael said...

I'll defend you Nick.

The rest of us will lynch the lynching annoymous.

I don't suppose the something is a private sector gallows is it?

;o)

Anonymous said...

New petrol station coming to Brockley

Tressillian James said...

Iwas hoping for full pedestrianisation of coulgate street - but if it is an independent - then it has to be a shop,bar or restaurant...

sonofagun said...

If Stones was still open,They could have manufactured the railings for the station

The Cat Man said...

Hmm, I did happen to notice some builders at Brockley Station 'doing something' next to the coffee bar on the London Bridge Station. Perhaps it is expanding!!

Not that I want it too, I miss my waiting room!

The Cat Man said...

ahem:

London Bridge Station = London Bridge platform.

Anonymous said...

Don't get your hopes up about that. I've already found out. It looked to me like they might be creating a doorway onto platform one (i.e. access to westside) but all they're doing is creating a prison like structure to put the coffee shop Matchbox in (presumably so drunk louts can't break in at night)

Anonymous said...

Also if you look at where they've put the new prison bars, and then look at where the new building is being built it appears that it all but puts to bed any idea about having a west side entrance to the station.

Anonymous said...

How about raising Lewisham College to the ground,And having a descent size Tesco's In Its place,With car park of course

patrick1971 said...

Why would you want to do raze Lewisham College to the ground when there is a decent sized Tesco with carpark just down the hill behind Lewisham station?

Anonymous said...

House prices are up again this month.

Anonymous said...

Dukes Night Store is to open the prison shutters and let custom in. For the first time shoppers will see the dark side of the shelves.

Moira said...

I heard there was a new bar opening at Ecosium or is that old news?

Anonymous said...

Well done Moira. I think you've nailed it. I can't get too excited by this though. Those premises are cursed to produce bad businesses.

Brockley Nick said...

@Anon 16.11

We've only ever published stories about local businesses' plans once we've confirmed with them that they are happy for their plans to become public. That was true of Magi's decision to relocate and of The Talbot's new owners' plans and it is true in this case.

In the mean time, it's a harmless bit of fun to speculate about what it might be. That was the point of the quote and it is in keeping with the nature of this site.

By the same token, I have never made up a story, except on April Fool's Day. I hope you don't consider those to be an affront to readers also.

Anonymous said...

I can confirm that I don't find April fools day jokes as an affront to the reader.

Tyrwhitt Michael said...

A new bar opening where Ecosium was, is very old news indeed. A new bar opened, called itself Aquarium, traded for a while had a reader offer on the blog but then closed down.

Or as usual I am getting the wrong end of the stick?

Monkeyboy said...

Fishmonger please.

Anonymous said...

Nice try, young simian.

Anonymous said...

A dogging society for Telegraph Hill

Anonymous said...

Just to say to anon @ 15.33 that I thought "fishmunger" was quite funny, as mung jokes go (the bar isn't very high, I know).

September said...

Don't tell too soon, Nick, this is the most fun I've had in ages - except dreaming about the coming of the Bakerloo line, now that really would be something!

Anonymous said...

Hugh said...
Is it a black man's cock?

27 August 2009 14:38

I do find this blog useful for local infomation/news etc but Why is is EVERYTIME i log on i am subjected to this vile racist tone. What is wrong with some of the people on here. Would help if some others spoke out against this. Clean up "new people" of brockley - those of us who have lived here all our lives and dont care about property booms dont appreciate you coming round here and insulting people

The Cat Man said...

quite, i pee'd myself earlier

Brockley Nick said...

Anon - in that particular case, it was a reference to an episode of the office, when David Brent tells an inappropriate joke about the Royal family playing a guessing game. So it wasn't a racist joke, but a reference to a parody of racist jokes. so it was allowed to remain.

Anonymous said...

Brockley nick - in that case my last comment is withdrawn

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Paddyom said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Anonymous said...

You credit Hugh with more intelligence than he's actually ever displayed here

Lou Baker said...

Are we getting new water mains from Thames Water? I think Brockley Cross is the only part of south London not being dug up right now ....

Anonymous said...

Is the brothel on Geoffrey Road reopening!!!

Hugh said...

Nick is, as they say in footballing circles, a legend.

Anonymous said...

is that what they say in footballing circles?

Lady said...

Please oh please a bust of Brockley Nick, I love that suggestion

If it is a bar, I hope it is an interesting one, something along the lines of that place under the arches in Peckham would be awesome, or even something new that we've never seen before - how exciting that would be.

ladywell bodybuilder said...

I would also like to see Brockley Nicks bust.

ladywell moutached biker said...

Hey there sweet cheeks...

Michael said...

I definitely like to see a bar, something along the lines of Jam Circus. It's something that we are lacking, and would draw more young people to the area.

Crofton Park Ranger said...

I've just read all of the posts and I can know reveal with absolute certainty that at least 5 people would like to see a fishmonger in Brockley.

Crofton Park Ranger said...

Is it an independant monkey sanctuary (rather than a chain)?

Monkeyboy said...

Monkey sanctuary? Why was I not consulted?

Anonymous said...

yebbut, how many of those five would actually use said fishmonger, say at least once a week, to justify its existence?. I do wonder if most people just like the idea of a fishmonger/butcher/cheese-shop/whatever to engender in them a cosy, villagey feel; and if it's not located right outside their front door, then they wouldn't be aware of its existence.

Crofton Parker said...

Arrgh as people have pointed out again and again there IS a butcher/fishmonger here already. And a great one. Peter James on Ewhurst Road. Can we maybe get a ticker down the bottom of the page to remind people? Geez.

Anon 22:30 and yesterday 15:58 said...

That's what I meant! Unless it's on their doorstep, or has an in-your-face shopfront, people don't really seem to be aware of what's already around, or make the effort to find out.

the above anonymous said...

Aargh! That should have been anon of 19:30.

the same anonymous yet again said...

I was just wondering if perhaps a visiting butcher/fishmonger might be a viable business until I remembered even that's been tried before!

Does anybody remember the man in van (with his seafood straight from the 'gate) about ten years ago around Hilly Fields? I think he lasted 6 months.

Anonymous said...

James is a great butchers that sells some fish, mostly frozen. It's not a proper fish mongers. I use WH Beloved about once a week, as I do Sainsbury's. They both seem to be thriving. Brockley covers a decent sized area a GOOD fishmongers would have a chance I'd say.

drakefell debaser said...

There is a very good fishmongers down the road already in Nunhead - FC Soper.

Brockley Kate said...

Yes, FC Soper is fantastic.

The Oracle said...

The wine bar/bistro planned at the former Acquarium restaurant at Harefield Road.

Maradoll said...

I would make use of a fishmongers at least once a week...but that's only to feed 2 people - so not big money from this household....

Although a closer butcher shop would be nice - I'm afraid that my loyalty lies with Mr. Wellbeloved in Deptford.

Anonymous said...

I've grown up with the concept of trekking 'off to the market' to buy food, be it meat or fish. I find Crofton Park Ranger's comments 22.30 a bit hectoring.

Anonymous said...

Oracle - that was mentioned near the top of the thread

Ross said...

didn't think there were so many people desperate for fish in brockley. there was a guy doing the telegraph hill farmers market with fish he caught that morning. don't know if he's still doing it, haven't been down any of the farmers markets for a while

Oracle said...

And that is surely what Nick is hinting at, which is why I also mentioned it.

Lifestyle acquisitivity said...

I don't think people are that interested in fish as opposed to having a fishmongers in their locale.

Ross said...

all very bizarre, especially the call for no frozen fish. i thought all fish had to be frozen?

THE anonymous said...

My point entirely, Acquisivity.

"Champagne tastes, beer pockets" as someone on here once said.

Anonymous said...

Nope Ross, you can buy fish that has been kept on ice - not actually frozen - in London. Fish suffers much more than meat for being frozen.

Anonymous said...

Definitely not a monkey sanctuary then?

Anonymous said...

LSD in the water supply?

Anonymous said...

There's already something in the water that induces rampant narcissism among residents of the Brockley ward anyway.

Grae said...

All this fishy chat has made me hungry. Are any chippies open today? I remember Sunday chippy opening was discussed at length a year ago, but I really can't be bothered to trawl through the blog (and things might have changed anyway).

And in a sad attempt to name a new sub-district, I live (Brockley) Mess Side, so the nearer the better.

Heinz Kohut said...

"There's already something in the water that induces rampant narcissism among residents of the Brockley ward anyway."

which brings out the projections, and projective identification of other posters ;-)

Anonymous said...

A fishmongers would be the worst kind of business to open. FC Sopers is the King among fishmongers, drawing people from all over south east london. A new fishmongers would have to be exceptional to compete and I don't see that happening. Sopers has the established name and all others must bow to it's glory.

Ross said...

"Nope Ross, you can buy fish that has been kept on ice - not actually frozen - in London. Fish suffers much more than meat for being frozen."

to what extent though? because surely there is a time/date/distance traveled where by fish simply cannot be kept on ice and must be frozen? i tried to google it and couldn't find anything. would be interested to learn more about it though..

max said...

There is at least one exception though, if you want to fry calamari (aka squids) you want them frozen, fresh calamari doesn't fry well, comes out hard. And cost much less.

Anonymous said...

Don't you lot use Billingsate?

Monkeyboy said...

That FC Soper place looks rather good. Will check it out next week, the power of Brockley Central (just DON'T MENTION THE MEWS!)

Hugh said...

Have I got mews for you.

Anonymous said...

Hey Max, Are you sure?
I'm not getting on you're back here but I fry un-frozen squid all the time and it's great. Without wanting to teach you to suck eggs are you frying it for too long? Thirty seconds flashed in a really hot pan and it's succulent and not rubbery at all.

max said...

Ok, there are two explanations here, you said you fried for only 30 seconds, which is legitimate with fresh squids and leaves the fish very tender, but I found it can also send you to the toilet.
Squids (and cuttlefish) can be cooked in a minute or in 10, the fish in fact at first softens up, then hardens up, then softens up again, that's when it's cooked for me.
I prefer to cook it for longer, it is easier to digest.

But I was only talking of deep fry, coated in flour, I do stir fry fresh squids myself, did some great one just a few days ago but deep fried notoriously work better from frozen.

Anonymous said...

Okay cool.

max said...

Cheers.
By the way when pan-frying from fresh I always pick up one or two pieces after only a minute cooking, they're indeed very tasty and very tender, only that my digestive system can't take a full course.

Rolf Harris aka TM Seen the beard lately? said...

Can you tell us what it is yet?

Anonymous said...

Oh why are we waiting, why are we waiting oh why are we waiting..??

Lady said...

Ooh I got a snoop in the door of the Brockley Mess today. Looks very nice. All lime green and wood, very nice indeed.

fabhat said...

Lady - sounds good, and did you see that Browns of Brockley have emptied the shelves, looks like it's getting closer to opening too...

Anonymous said...

Hugh said...
Is it a black man's cock?

27 August 2009 14:38
Anoymous said...
I do find this blog useful for local infomation/news etc but Why is is EVERYTIME i log on i am subjected to this vile racist tone. What is wrong with some of the people on here. Would help if some others spoke out against this. Clean up "new people" of brockley - those of us who have lived here all our lives and dont care about property booms dont appreciate you coming round here and insulting people
27 August 2009 21:41

I must say I do agree with anonymous. I find there is a wealth of information here, but I don't pop in as regularly as I would like to. There are some running jokes on this board that allude to certain groups of people in a nasty, snotty way. It really puts me off. I've lived in this area for many years. I'm a born Londoner. All shapes, sizes, colours, religions, walks I life... That's what I've grown up with and what I WANT. If you live around here you should make an effort to embrace the diversity and not be so judgmental.

The Cat Man said...

*sigh* that last comment was sooo 1990's new labour...

*yawn*

Anonymous said...

couldn't agree more Cat Man. Much better before New Labour. Particularly liked the repressive, discriminatory anti-gay legislation. Let's hope the next lot bring it back.

Tamsin said...

I'll try Sopers. I used to get fish once a week from Bromley Market (and was also introduced to whelks and winkles - british seafood rather than this Mediterranean muck) but the stall stopped going there and once a month in the Farmers Market is not often enough.

On the winkles - a fascinating bit of South East London/Kent social history... After I commented on buying them, two of the older women in our office shared memories of part of childhood being picking out winkles for your Nan, obviously tricky for the elderly with poor close vision and arthritic hands to do the task for themselves. And the little girls also used to take the round pieces of ceratin (?) that were still slightly tacky and stick them on as "beauty patches" - this 200 years after patches ceased to be fashionable.

Tyrwhitt Michael said...

Which Farmers Market has a fish stall Tamsin? - certainly not Hilly Fields or at least when I have been there.

I can heartily recommend Sopers and also The new Fishmonger in Greenwich near the cheese shop - don't know the name - and the Codfather's in Deptford.

The latter should have made it ot the silly shop names thread

Danja said...

Tamsin means the Telegraph Hill one.

FC Soper is pretty good, but not quite as wonderful as some of the comments suggest. You have to pick and choose to get the fresh stuff. That's the case anywhere, but more so there than with the best fishmongers.

Tamsin said...

I thought the Hilly Fields and Telegraph Hill Farmers Market people were by and large the same. Mark you, the fish stall does not come every time to Telegraph Hill - it is a long journey from Essex and only worth while if they have caught enough. Understandable but inconvenient if you were looking forward to a fish pie for supper.

If people have wheels or a bus pass and time the Bromley market stallholders have set up semi-permanently in Eltham now - Plassey Place (?).

Anonymous said...

Nick - any more tantalizing morsels you can give us about this yet?

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