What's the fastest way to Brockley's liver?

After a long period of decline, there are signs that Brockley pub scene is livening up, with two locals developing radically different strategies to win the affections of Brockley's boozers.

First up is the Wickham Arms, which according to an oddly lecherous review in the Pubspy column of the News Shopper, has started employing supermodels as barstaff.

Under the headline "Spy finds staff tastier than pint", the News Shopper's ageing reviewer proceeds to write at length about how fit the barmaids are:

"The barmaid reminded me of a cross between Duffy and Julie Andrews... If I had been 30 years younger I might have engaged her in a longer conversation than "a pint of Pride please.""

The Wickham gets five stars for the staff, but only one for the beer.

The Talbot's new management, on the other hand, plan to tempt you with food. Here's the sample menu which they unveiled at the recent BC drinks:

Spinach soup, Beetroot puree, Peppercorn Creme Fraiche
Brown Trout and Avocado Tian, Tree pepper Saucxe Vierge
Smoked ham Croquetas, Sage and Almond Pesto
Spaghetti, Garlic and Anchovy Oil and Pine Nuts
Classica Vegetable and Flower Salad, lightly spiced vinegrette
Petit Charcuterie of European Cheese and Meats, Grapefruit and Pickled Jalepenos.
Pan-fried sea bass, Confit fennel, Balsamic reduction
Baked trout, Tomato fondant, Dill sauted potatoes
Globe artichoke, Hollandaise sauce, Crispy fired leeks

Rabit and dark chocolate stew, Saffron spiced rice
Free-range chicken breast (roasted), Wild mushroom ketchup, Tarragon
Mash potatoes
Sirloin steak, Beetroot, and Potato Rosti, Seasonal greens, Red wine jus
Bread and butter pudding, Cream chocolate and Cranberry Almond tart, Vamilla ice cream
Appleas and Champagne jelly, Pera sorbert
Cheees plate, Quince jelly, Celery, Water biscuits
Bar food and lunch
Seasonal pork pie served with home mad epickles and Chutney
Ploughman's platters
Trout, Horseradish cream, Toast
Mixed platter

So which will win out? Brockley's stomach or its libido?

Thanks to JPM and Anna.