The revenge of Gaia

This river can kill you in a thousand ways
- Paul Sarone, Anaconda

It seems as though Lewisham may pay a terrible price for failing to support the Green Party in the numbers they hoped.

As Darren Johnson was being beaten in to fourth place in Lewisham Deptford, The Sun reports a Brockley parrot went on a 24-hour rampage through our streets.

Mischievous Reggie escaped through a window and was only tempted back when owner Hubbell Walker left out his favourite tipples — red wine and Pringles crisps. Hubbell knew about Reggie's peculiar tastes and came up with the plan after the parrot fled in Brockley, south London.

Don't try telling Brockley Central that it's just a coincidence. Nature is mad as hell. The Brockley Foxes have the scent of blood in their nostrils. What have we done?