Brock Pilgrims vs The World

Envy Adams: Short answer: Vegans are just better than everyone else.
- Scott Pilgrim vs The World

Brockley is going up against other bits of London tonight on Location, Location, Location. Time was when this would have been appointment to view TV - they did, after all, invent Brockley in the early noughties.

These days, however, Brockley's star is so ascendant that Kirsty and Phil need us more than we need them and the place is crawling with C4 researchers. Still, let's see which area wins...

20:25 - Brockley is a broad church, but it is probably safe to say that the floppy haired man in red trousers is not about to be shown around SE4 by Kirsty.

20:31 - Browns of Brockley, The Broca, Crofton Park and Upper Brockley Road are what P&K are using too woo them. Woman says she's nervous about trying Brockley vs Limehouse apartment lifestyle. Phil says "cool vibe" here could swing it.

20:33 - the apartment is in the old pub on UBR. Brockley might lose out due to lack of space for a large table FFS.

20:35 - Damning with faint praise - woman says Brockley option probably the sensible bet because it's time to leave London life behind and focus on kids (uh oh).

20:36 - Traitorous cow Kirsty keeps on referring to Brockley as "suburbia" - it wasn't too long ago she was calling this place the buzzy alternative to suburban Hither Green. It's almost as though they have a narrative to crowbar in.

20:36 - Yikes - massive lovely place in Forest Hill is the next option.

20:37 - Bloody fireplaces. People are obsessed with them. Fireplace = character. Never quite understood that. Anyway, the Forest Hill flat looks like the leading bet as an alternative to docklands. Brockley let down by soulless pub conversion (not for the first time!).

20:47 - girlieman says that Forest Hill would be too much of a lifestyle change for him - the fast pace of life in an anodyne housing development in Docklands is a lot to give up, clearly. Phil says go South East. That is why Phil is a highly-paid celebrity expert.

20:50 - Meanwhile, in Pimlico, the other couple are still reeling from the discovery that you get more for your money in an ex-Council property.

20:52 - Forest Hill wins! In your face, north London. Brockley wins by extension. If we'd served up better fireplaces, that could have been our win.

20:56 - Is this a first for LLL? A couple actually buy the house they choose? The happy couple move to Forest Hill.